Coda Josh Grant

George runs in tight footy shorts with a bare torso, he looks quite the He Man. I can see the girls looking at him as he runs passed. I can see the boys looking at him as they run passed. George is serious about his fitness, he doesn’t just run half naked for the hell of it. He thinks the fresh air on his skin is good for him. “It blows all the staleness off me, allows my pour to breath without being blocked up with sweat. I just know that I look like the 70 kilo weakling next to him.

I was sitting on the ground, Jason was chatting to me. He has great legs, and he wears shorts that just fit him everywhere. “My eyes are up here, Josh,” says Jason. We worked me hard. We kind of compete. The gay boy determined to better than the straight boy, the straight boy determined to better than the gay boy. He tells me he is sore from shagging. “If you don’t want me to look at your dick,” I say. “Don’t tell me stories about it.” “I didn’t say my cock was sore.” “Okay, which part of you is then?” He laughs that kind of self-conscious laugh.

Wow! It's cold, isn't it. I'm sitting here with a blanket wrapped around me. 5am. Brrrrrr! The fire lighter is just beginning to take on the kindling I manage to scavenge together. No gym this morning, it is too cold. I should run to the gym with that thought. I can just imagine what Jason would be saying. “Come on you pussy, we are only just getting started.” He’s probably tucked up with his girlfriend, work for themselves types never have to get up at corporate times.

We ate breakfast on the deck, all very Amanda. I could almost hear her say, “More toast, Josh, I think you have only had two slices. Eggs and bacon and mushrooms, and sausages, I found in the back of the freezer. Yeah, not, such a bright move usually, but this time it was okay. Jeff headed down to the beach with a towel to top up on his already great tan. He disappeared into the tea tree early. The sun shone beyond the windows, blue sky was everywhere to be seen. A computer, a bag of dope and a pot of coffee... who could be a happier boy? Dog by his side. I moved my laptop on to the deck, so the joints could flow and I didn’t have to think about ruining Amanda’s curtains. I spend all day on the internet. I started off with the news and ended up on French Provincial houses in the Cote d’Azure. Lovely.

I thought about Uncle Jeff and when we were away on holidays with the family, in 1990. Jeff was twenty, I was sixteen. By sixteen I was masturbating three times a day; morning when I woke, the toilets at lunch time – you took a number and got in line, that's how busy a toilet block at lunch time in a boy's school is. Everybody pretending they are there for another reason. And at night. I could have gone more, but time didn't prevail. You just had to do other things as well. I was pretty grown up by that stage, hairy legs, mass of pubes, a cock that went hard at the change in the breeze, at anything really. Remember that. It’s a cold breeze, it made my cock go hard. I’m thinking about my cock going hard, and it gets harder. Any time. All the time. I was always loaded and ready to go. Any way you like. I was horny to be touched. Jeff was free with it. At ease. As though it was the most natural thing in the world. Anything you want, is okay. He was living sexy. He touched and ...

I wondered about another job, I really did. I got an agency to put me up for a couple of roles and I picked a couple in the city. It was awful. Trumped up little generals all talking the corporate speak, all sucking the air out of the atmosphere in an attempt to prove they were the best. If their speech had gone right off like they'd sucked helium, I'd not have been surprised. Ah! Bunch of cunts. The last interview was last Friday. I decided that the cunts I know, are just the same as the cunts I have yet to experience. All the same cunts. I don't think I'll try that again. It's just not natural. The inner workings of HR, nobody should ever be subjected to that. Nick laughed, when I told him, "Ahh, doing the recruits. This one looks as incompetent as the other one? Or is this the other one? Too much work and not enough time to do it. Sling them in, if they hit the floor running, we might keep them."