Coda Josh Grant

A plump woman thanked the tram driver as she got out the front door of a tram in front of me. I wondered who she was talking to, for a moment. Then when I realised, I thought, how quaint. I momentarily, wondered if I should do it to, but I would have only been mocking her. Really. Is that awful? It would have been worth it for a laugh. I was coming home from the city, having had a boozy lunch with Nick. "You drinking?" "Sure, yes, why not." "We'd better get 2 bottles to start with then..." I would normally walk, from the city to home, it is why you live in the inner suburbs, after all. It was far too nicer day to be stumbling home drunk in the midday sun. It is much more contained to be sitting still when the wine is sloshing around in my brain. "Thank you, driver." Cute. Of course, then I had to thank him. "Thank you." He didn't respond. I was disappointed, I have to tell you. I wanted a reply. It probably would have been somet...

I'm working with boguns, let's be truthful.   (Not For Profit is like that, either fat or stupid, generally unattractive, it is like a repository for the lame.) They are the types to say, I’m not racist, but… I always want to say at that point, Well stop speaking, for goodness sake. For the sake of goodness. From experience, the standard issue racist remark usually follows. They didn't, but you know the type.  (28.10.2014 - Actually, I misjudged them. (the racist remark business was way off) My usually impeccable judgment was way off. I guess it was first day nerves. Yes, even me. They are nice... sometimes it is easy to mistake the salt of the earth types for boguns.) Work is okay, they're okay, it is nice to get a distraction from the mundanity of it all. Not that I am ever bored, but I'm not sure we are built to do nothing. Distraction is good. Nick came and had lunch with me today, we sat outside on the footpath under the oversized umbrellas. "W...

Nick and I went out and got shit faced over the weekend. I am still recovering. Nick is the devil with that pipe. He knows my piggy way, which then, of course, gives a green light to his piggy ways. Of course, that is why he says he likes me. We have the same piggy ways. "You're the only person I know who never says no." Then it is carnage at day break. Mick Jagger sings, I Think I’m going Mad. Well, once I get going. Once you are doing it, you have no choice but to be piggy. But I always have a limit. Twenty four hours and I'm done. I've never tried to fight it, I've just gone with it. I'm asleep pretty soon after a night and a day and a night as elapsed, I'm always done by then. I was horny as hell when I got home and had a marathon porn session in my room alone. Actually, I like that bit the best. Is that selfish? I'm not sure when night finished and day started. And when day finished and night started. Me in my dark little wolrd, with anybody I...

“Let’s play ladies and go eat cake and drink coffee at Brunettis.” “Yes, sure.” “Of course, you can just have the coffee.” “I’m sorry.” “With your matronly figure, Josh, can you afford the cake. “Seriously.” “A minute on the lips, Josh.” “A life time of happiness?” “Regret.” “You write your story, and I’ll write mine.” “I’m just saying, they are…” “Who are they?” “You know perfectly well,” said Nick. “And they are grimacing and suddenly sucking in breath when they see you coming now a days. I’ve got to be honest.” “I’ll take my chances with the mean girls posse, luv.” “Be it on your head, sweat heart.” “Besides, I have two boyfriends, how many do you have?” “You always had that nasty streak, Josh,” said Nick. “It has always been unbecoming on you.” “Really? Tanya Degano, you don’t say?” “It’s why people don’t like you…” “Really? Who are you talking about?” Nick stopped, rolled his eyes, opened his mouth and sighed. “Oh, take no notice of me Josh, I’m just tired and grumpy and in desper...

I wondered about another job, I really did. I got an agency to put me up for a couple of roles and I picked a couple in the city. It was awful. Trumped up little generals all talking the corporate speak, all sucking the air out of the atmosphere in an attempt to prove they were the best. If their speech had gone right off like they'd sucked helium, I'd not have been surprised. Ah! Bunch of cunts. The last interview was last Friday. I decided that the cunts I know, are just the same as the cunts I have yet to experience. All the same cunts. I don't think I'll try that again. It's just not natural. The inner workings of HR, nobody should ever be subjected to that. Nick laughed, when I told him, "Ahh, doing the recruits. This one looks as incompetent as the other one? Or is this the other one? Too much work and not enough time to do it. Sling them in, if they hit the floor running, we might keep them."

I smoked pot all weekend, lazy, long weekend, lying on the couch days, reading newspapers. Eating home made bread with jam, or marmalade. Tea, coffee. One morning pancakes. We left late in the afternoon, Sunday, as some of us still have to work for a living, “Couldn’t we for some kind of commune, and then we all could live there and grow pumpkins. We could grow huge ones and enter them in the local fare?” “Where would the money come from?” “We’d grow things and sell them?” “When was the last time grew anything, let alone expected people to pay money for it when you’d finished growing it?” “Never.”

I went bike riding with Nick. We are always competitive when we go out together, so it was a race around the Yarra at lightning speed. All Nick's, shall we say, girlie traits fade away when he is trying to be first over the finish line. He becomes a streamliner competitor. I had dinner with Daniel in Sydney Road. Vietnamese fusion. Daniel was late, he had been swimming. His blond hair was still wet, all brushed back in that "just showered" kind of way. I gotta admit, even though he is my brother, he looked like a big spunk as he walked through the door. Baggy jeans, felt blue shirt, blue eyes, blond hair. I realised that is how people always look at Daniel. He goes around his whole life with people sizing him up as soon as they meet him. That is his normal, white privileged good looking blond. I see how the waitresses look at him. I see how the gay boys look at him. I see how the middle aged university professors look at him.

I had lunch with Nick sitting by the Yarra, down by the aquarium. I had to get out of the house. I talk about Steve, it just came out, Nick just smiles. Maybe he has heard enough about it. He’s bought food from home, all neatly packed in matching Tupperware, he can be anal with that stuff. He gets it from his mum, Vasiliki. I’ve got some curry I made from last night. The river looks full, the water glints in the sun, as it floats by. The sky is a beautiful blue. “How’s work?” asks Nick. “Oh, you know, the same,” I said. “Now it feels like I haven’t had any time off at all. “Doesn’t it feel weird?” “No, it feels alarmingly normal.” “And that’s a good thing, right?” “Depends on your definition of normal,” I said. “And my definition of normal had changed over the months I had off.”

Nick loves sun baking in the nude. Not only does he like an all year round tan. He likes an all over tan. "If you have tan lines, you are just not trying hard enough," says Nick. "I thought the contrast of the tan lines was sexy," I say. "Not as sexy as my brown arse," says Nick.

Nick on a bender is something to see. He came stumbling into my place sometime after midnight, I'm not really sure as I was dozing on the couch, feeling kind of sad about Steve. My quiet joy at the prospect of him returning to Melbourne had evaporated. "Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Ring, ring! Ring, ring!" I opened the door and standing there was someone, or something that resembled Nick. "Happy NEW YEAR!" Big eyes. "Happy New Year mate." He'd been going since New Year's Eve. Good meth, he said. "I've been dancing, I've been fucking, I've been dancing, I've been fucking. I've been fucking dancing." "It's 10am, Nick!" "Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh, isn't it great." "Don't you have to go back to work?" "No, not anytime soon. Got a joint?" "Where have you been?" "I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere..." ...

Nick was really pleased about the great he got. The phone rings. “Dohl, I tell you fucken Xmas has arrived early.” “What are you talking about.” “I got an ounce for $260.” “How come?” “Oh, I don’t know? He probably had to bail out his baby mama bitch from Barwon. Who knows, and who cares. Come around to celebrate.” “Celebrate?” “Can you stop the endless fucken questions and get over here.” I have a shower, my first in 4 days, I know? The hot water was exhilarating running down my back. I think the trill is exactly proportionate to the number of days it has been. The GTI is covered in crap when I go out to it. Even under the carport. How long is it since I have driven it? I can't remember. I brush most of the debris off it with a towel. I hose it down right at the very end. Bad Josh! Water restrictions whatever. I saved water by not showering since Sunday, so I can hose some shit off my car as a reward. I smoke with Nick all afternoon. I’m rolling the joints. “Oh, why oh why do I ...

Nick has the week off. We planned a catch up on Monday. But he thought I was still down the beach. I thought he was coming over on Monday, but he didn’t, show. So, then it was today. I thought he was coming for lunch, but he arrived early. “Hi slut,” said Nick, as I opened the front door. “Luv.” I get gayer around Nick than at any other person in my life. “So, you are back from the beach?” “I was back on Sunday night.” “Well, I’m not a fucken mind reader, dohl.” “I’m sure I told you.” “You are sure you have done a lot of stuff,” said Nick. “Have you had the early dementia detection test lately?” “Have you cleaned out your ears, lately?” “Cotton buds should not be inserted into the ear cavity…” “Lots of things shouldn’t be inserted into cavities… “Hey, voila!” Nick pulled a bong from the bag he bought with him. “OMG! We’re teenagers again.” “I know,” said Nick. “Isn’t it fabulous.” “Where did you get it?” “Oh, sad story, I had to sack an employee who had it at work.” Nick made a sad fac...