Coda Josh Grant

I went jogging in the cold morning air, the punters were already manoeuvring their cars and getting on and off trams. My legs were cold, my thighs were red. The streets were busy, the light melancholy. Thud thud, thud, sounded my feet on the foot path. A cool breeze rushed up the loose legs of my shorts. I find it sexy, but you can't jog with a hardon, no sir! It made me feel like a man, though. Thud, thud thud, sounded my feet in those empty chasms that are the early morning CBD streets, office in sight. I take a shower, hoping to cop sight of Marco. Truthfully, Marco was the furthest thing from my mind, it is only now sitting back here late at night writing about it, sure Marco was there, in nothing but a towel.

It was a cold day. I lit a fire in the open fire place in my room and stayed in bed. I drank coffee and ate baked beans. I didn't leave the house. I smoked pot and whacked off all day. Chubby kept me company. Daniel laughed when he got home late and told me I looked like a stoner from hell, as I staggered into the kitchen in my dressing gown to say g'day. He rolled his eyes and said he wants my life.

Never stop stopping, that’s what they say, never stop stopping. Never stop stopping. Never stop until you stop. You have to keep stopping, never stop, never stop, never stop. Sensible words, er, thoughts, when the cold, hard reality of day settles in and you open your eyes fully and the light is bright, and white and clear. These are Monday morning thoughts, to be sure. You know, when you regret all the things you did that make you feel the way you are felling Monday morning. “I’m never doing that again,” you think. I think. And even as I think it, I know it’s not true, but is comfort words, for the aches and pains and wheezes. Matthew limped out the door early with a big smile on his face. He said he needed some pain killers, yes sir, but he’d be ready to do it all again, you know, as soon as everything healed, I think were his exact words. Big smile, and he was gone.

The apocalypse didn't happen, I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to a great end of the world. You know, was it exciting? In technicolour? Was it like seeing the Northern Lights, all lit up?  Was it going to hurt? Was there a big bang, like at the beginning? Or would it be like ‘fat Man?” Could we all get really out of it and whoop and holler, as everything crumbled and fell to pieces? Anyway… Apparently, it's now October 21st. Something to look forward to, hey?

I puffed away first thing, I didn't even bother to get out of my robe. I kind of clutched it to my chest at the kitchen bench. Daniel said I couldn't start the day off with the last cigarette, it just doesn't work that way.  “Start the day?” I laughed. I looked at my watch. It was well into the afternoon. “Yeah, well,” said Daniel. “Wherever you are coming at it from.” “We can only smoke it once, you know.” “My once, not yours.” What does he know? I think. Oh yes, he's a doctor. “You piss off the owner of the cigarette and he kills you.” “Are you saying this is your cigarette?” “My cigarette,” said Daniel. “What are you on?” “Oh, don’t ask,” I said. My head wasn’t all together on straight. “Jesus,” said Daniel. “That doesn’t sound great.” “Oh, settle down, grandma, it was just a couple of pills.” “A couple.” “Three,” I said. “Three?” “Yeah,” I said. “And now I need this cigarette.” “And Matthew? Did you lose him?” “No, he’s unconscious in bed.” “Not expecting to see him...

Matthew and I got really wasted last night. Of course, that's just the build up to when we get home. We got pills from Yvonne, kind of unexpectedly, so we got 3 each. We took all three. Fuck me, we were high. Beau was there, looking like the gayest straight boy ever, as only he can, with his silk shirt unbuttoned to his navel, with his tits out on show. I think I might have come onto him just a bit much, I might have squeezed his nipple, which went hard quick. Matthew said afterwards, “He really didn’t seem to mind.” “That’s what I reckon.” “He was into it, if anything.” Matthew and I danced like men possessed. We got home late. We fell into bed. We kissed in each other’s arms. Matthew is a big, strong lad.  Pretty soon I had him on his stomach with his jeans around his ankles. I licked his arse and sucked his fat cock for hours, I got kind of single-minded about it. He didn't mind, of course. He just rolled over onto his back and stretched his arms and legs out and just let me...