Coda Josh Grant

Jumping the shark, I used to think that was a great expression. Shark head stepping stones. Once across the pond without stopping. Jumping the shark, some kind of thrill seeker aerobics. It's just a jump to the left, with the shark between your fee,ee,eet. It's just a jump to the right, the shark bites on tigh, ig, ig,ig,t. But if you are really lucky, and you juuump the shark. A girl would have the shark by the tail and a girl would have the shark by the snout, and they'd swing it around like elastics, and the girl in the middle would jump, jump, jump the shark. Jump, jump, jump, as the shark breaches the water in the pool. Jump, jump, jump, jump over the sharks open mouth, like a swan, or a deer. What? What do you mean the cow ran away with the spoon? Boo-Hoo.

I still sleep with Nigel sometimes. I know when it is coming, he calls and asks me what I'm up to, you know, just kind of nonchalantly. He says it's good for him for relieving the tension. He is the only guy I know who I can hold in my arms and kiss, he is really nice to kiss, and who can just can suddenly hold me very tight in his arms like he is never going to let go and cum all over me. It is really hot. Nigel's super power. I wish I could do that.

Nick and I went to a health resort in the country, Central Vic. It was Nick’s idea. Before we get chilled by winter. “If I hear one more person’s problems,” said Nick. “I might just kill them.” That is great coming from an HR manager, no, hang on, he’s now Director of People and Culture, at a city law firm. “Really, is that what they are calling it now.” “People and kulcha, darling, Cul…tooure. Very fancy isn’t it.” “Oh, it is just the perpetual side step that you guys have to make.” “Oh, don’t go on.” “Once personnel was exhausted, you stepped away from all the shit, and rebranded HR. Now those two letters are toxic in every corporate office, what, you are morphing into People and Culture, as if the disaster HR was, and the mess personnel was, had nothing to do with you guys, at, all.” “Teflon coated, baby,” said Nick. “We know what all the tricks are, because we invented them.” “And you still get it so horrible wrong.” “Mr Nick, why wasn’t I told, Russo, at your service,” said Nick. ...

This is it. There is nothing else after this. There is only this. This is our one shot, don't mess it up. You don't get another. No virgins. No heaven. No next life forever more. No, none of that. I stood upright, with my arm extended in the air like a super hero As it's over, everything is over, never to come again. Only what is coming, will come. The only thing you have control over is your positioning at this very moment. So, I stood like a super hero being in the moment. You can choose what you get. To an extent. And the best way is to be happy. Content. In a random world. Choose life. Choose happiness and everything else will take care of itself. I stood up right, tall and proud, being in the moment. “Whatcha doin’?” came Beth’s voice from somewhere behind me. “I’m being Captain Right Now, can’t you tell?” “Captain what?” “Right now. Captain Right now,” I said again. “Oh well, good job,” said Beth. “Point your fingers towards the sky.” “Will that help?” “It won’t hurt,...

People talk, don't they. “Yap, yap, yap.” I must be getting intolerant? I went to the post office and had to stand in line for quite some time, as there was quite a queue, stupid me for going in during lunch time. And these two in front of me never stopped talking, not for a second. There wasn't even a pause. They didn't even seem to draw breath. They just kept on yakking until I wanted to say, “oh, shut up!” I guess that is what, intolerant, is there another word for it? People are annoying. Like death and Taxes. And whiney people. No, the irony isn't lost on me. Inconsiderate people are right up there. The closed minded. People who fall for conspiracy theories. People who swear the obviously untrue is true. And the talkers. Oh, the talkers. I left the post office. I crossed back over the street. I thought about going to a Vipassana retreat just to detox the world. That kind of made me smile. Me? But then you have the problem of organised religion. And detox is bullshi...

I was at the top of Bourke Street, nearly at Spring, heading to the Windsor to meet Nick for dinner. Nick loves all that grand dining what have you. I’m never so convinced. So, Nick is always taking me some place for dinner to convince me that grand dining is, in fact, the way to go. I couldn’t help but think of that HR manager I once worked with who said the Windsor was full of asbestos, and half closed up because of it. I have no idea if that is true, but that is what she claimed. I was attempting to make my way through the people and the outdoor tables on the foot path just before I turned into Spring Street. The people and the tables were many, the spaces in between were limited. It felt not unlike a slalom course. A handsome Indian guy standing there, smiled, tilted his head, stepped sideways, and swept his hand in front of himself for me to walk through before him. He looked me in the eye and smiled, as I hesitated.  “Come on,” he said. His beautiful eyes twinkled, his lips p...

We were in the beer garden, it was really late. Collingwood. I was there with Tim. Nick was there. Murray and Bruno were there. Mike was there. Evan was there, so was Carl. Josh and Trent. Carl is the shy one. Evan, I think, still claims to be straight, despite the number of male lovers he is racking up. We were all seated except for Bruno, who is as cute as a button and loves the attention. He was standing in front of us all, wearing a pair of chaps and a pair of jocks and a vest over a bear, chest. We were all off our faces. Oh occasionally I indulge. I never said I'd stopped altogether. I'm sure I didn't. Murray turned to me and said quietly, "Watch this." "Okay," I said. My eye lids were heavy. The next thing, Murray grabbed hold of the side of Bruno's jocks under his chaps and pulled the front sideways. Bruno's cock and balls fell out. Bruno has a great cock, fat and uncut. But, at this stage, it flopped out all small, but st...