I Found Rowan

I found Rowan. It was one of those chance meetings, almost 10 years after we’d lost touch. 

I was out at a gay bar drinking with Nick, and Nick had got lucky and left with some guy. 

It was late, and I had nothing to do the next day, so I just stayed sitting at the bar. Note for any reason other than it was one of those nights when I was just too lazy to walk my lazy arse home.

So, I drank.

People came and went. The bar was busy, then it wasn’t so busy. The barmen were efficient. It is kind of a lonely vigil sitting at a gay bar on your own until the late hours, when you don’t want anything from anyone. Eventually, I was contemplating heading home.

Some guy bumped me, I looked around to see who the clumsy arse was, he mumbled some apology, and it was Rowan.

“Hey!” said Rowan

“Hey!”

“Fuck me!”

“Straight to the point.”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“No,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Drinking,” I said. “Er, being gay. You?”

“Um, er, meeting a friend.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You gay?”

“As Xmas.”

“I hate that expression.”

“And you?”

“And me what?”

“Well, I know you liked it once, what about now?”

“Oh, er, I liked you.”

“Every bit of me,” I said. “Who do you like now?”

“Indeterminate,” Rowan said.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, um? It means, er?”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“So, what are you doing here.”

“Meeting a friend, I told you.”

“So where is he? Er she?”

“I don’t know,” said Rowan. “Stood me up.”

“So?” Rowan looked good, he looked really good. Another ten years sat well on him, he was a handsome man.

“So,” Rowan replied.

“Sit down and have a drink with me,” I said.

“That could be dangerous?”

“I’m not dangerous,” I said. “I’m not a threat at all.”

“Oh, Josh,” said Rowan. “Yes, you are.”

“So, sit down and have a drink and risk the danger,” I said.

“What a risk.” He smiled that smile that I knew what he was thinking.”

“Embrace the danger, you never know.” I took a big breath. “You might like it.”

He laughed. “Yeah. I might…”

“Would that be so bad.”

“No.” He took the seat next to mine.

“Beer?”

“Sure.”

“Two schooners,” I say to the barman.

“I’ve been meaning to look you up for ages,” said Rowan.

“So, what stopped you?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“I want to catch up.”

“We'll see.” I couldn't help but feel a little excited.

“I’ve got a girlfriend and kid.”

“A kid?”

“It was an accident, but he’s a great kid.”

“So, where does she think you are now?”

He shrugged. “I dunno.” He looked confused.

“Doesn’t she want to know where you’ve been when you get home?”

“Oh, no, we don’t live together,” he said. “We never have.”

We got more drinks. I bought them. I wanted to get him a bit drunk.

“I'd like to meet up. Now that I’ve see you."

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Didn’t you say to embrace the danger?”

“Yeah, I did,” I said. “You look good. I miss you, now I see you.”

“Do you,” he said. “How come you never tried to look me up?”

“Honestly?”

“Of course.”

“I got the impression you didn’t want me to.”

“Yeah, well,” he said. “I understand how you would have got that idea.”

“Did you want me to?”

“I’m not sure I knew what I wanted.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“I just didn’t want to feel the fear.”

“Do you still feel the fear?”

“Do I still feel the fear?”

“That was the question?”

“Yes, and no.”

“Two more schooners,” I said to the barman.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Yes.”

Rowan laughed. “You don’t have to get me drunk, not you.”

“You mean, er, I’d get your pants off without the booze.”

Rowan laughed. “Yes, probably.”

The barman put the two beers down in front of us. 

I held mine up. “Here’s to getting your pants off,” I said.

“I’d like to see that,” said the barman.

Rowan blushed scarlet. He picked up his glass and chinked it against mine. “Here’s to it not being too much of a struggled.”

“Amen,” said the barman.

I handed the money to the barman.