Coda Josh Grant

Near-zero temperatures in the Dandenongs this morning, how fresh would that be? I used to love going up to the Dandenongs on the weekends to my mate Andrew’s house. The Dandenongs are beautiful, especially in Spring. That was until my mate Andrew died from a drug overdose, heroin, apparently, even though Andrew was never known to use the stuff. He told me his boyfriend, Jason, had been stalking him and threatening him, just before he died. It makes me sad when I think of the Dandenongs now, what there was, what there could have been, and what we missed? Near zero temperatures and melancholy in the Dandenong Ranges today.

It was so cold, there were snow flurries in some places, they say. A flurry sounds so romantic, doesn’t it? Let’s go make snow angels in the snow. Does ‘flurries’ mean there is enough snow to do that? I’m not sure how much a flurry is? To me, it sounds like a butterfly of snow gently landing on the ground. The cold, wet, snow that squeaks under my feet and sets my teeth on edge, let’s go and lay in it on our backs and move our arms and legs about.

George in blue swim trunks. You can see why all the 'guys' fancy George, it's not hard to work out

I loved Steve in these black swim trunks too. He always looked sexy in them, but then he looked sexy in pretty much everything he wore. Things just look good on him.

I always loved Steve in those red shorts. He always loved me pulling them off him. He's a sexy boy, is Steve.

Ben came over. It was late, he was unsteady on his feet he was really maggotted that much was obvious. He looked really cute standing there in the dim light of the front porch. His shaggy blond hair, his crooked smile, a bit wonky-eyed, swaying just slightly from one foot to the other. “Hey.” “Hey Ben, how are you?” “Good,” he slurred. “You home alone?” His face was serious, then in a delayed effect cracked into a smile, as if nothing was quite working in real time. He looked adorable. “Yep, just me and Chubby and the cat.” “Ask me in then, will ya.” “Ben, won’t you come in.” “I’d… love… to.” He launched himself through the door. I followed him into the lounge room. “You been out?” “Oh Yeah!” I could feel his tension, was it just the alcohol? Or was it something else? I had rolled joints previously, just coincidentally. I picked one up off the coffee table and lit one. I waited for him speak first. "I don't know why I'm here," he said. Crypti...

Cute Face. I remember when he was just this big, and now he is shaving. 

Girls have tits to jiggle at straight boys. They know they'll always be there, always available, cause that's how it is. Girls know, from a relatively young age, that is their power over boys. That's how the world turns. That's their reality. That is what they do, that is what they are expected to do. It’s natural, as some might say. “Other” boys have a wanton lust to unleash... and they don't always differentiate in private with the lads around them, sometimes they are flirting out in the open. Worst kept secret. Man power on man power. It's a different thing, it can sweep even straight boys up, like a drug. Not always next hit, but with some it can be. Some boys don’t really care who they are with, as long as they are. Some don’t care as long as it is easy, and hidden, from their mates, their family. Let’s your tits out, let your dicks out, let it all hang out. Let your hang ups out, let your fears go, and you never know, society may well just be the bette...

The same fear of being assaulted, is essentially the same fear that makes woman want to drive four wheel drives. You can't touch me in this? I can get you first, she thinks, as she cuts everyone off... and the persecuted become the persecutors. That's life. Increasingly, we are making decisions on fear and not on logic. The commercial world's greatest asset, keep them afraid and they will spend more money to make themselves feel better. And society loses in the end. You know, the funny thing about fear is that all those places and situations that women avoid through fear of being interfered with sexually, are all the same places and situations that gay men, and to a lesser degree straights men place themselves to get sexually interfered with. Chicks wouldn't get into a stranger's big car because of fear, where gay guys get into stranger's cars all the time.

That's Daniel in the cargo shorts with his best friend, Carl, on his back. They were taking the piss on all the gay guys, but if you ask me, they looked might comfortable in that position locking lips with each other. Daniel and carl have been friends since childhood and I asked Daniel later if he'd done it with Carl, you know, in that experimental stage, you know, when you are growing up. "In your dreams, Josho," was Daniel's response.

We woke up in a knot. All hung over. The wind blew outside, as if it was telling us something. And since I love the wind, it made me feel alive, I could only think it was telling me something good. I put on Chaka Khan, Tell me something good. “Oh, too loud.” I turned it down. Steve opened his eyes. He smiled, kind of damaged, kind of half hearted, kind of sweet. “Good morning.” Tommy rolled over. He kind of grunted, half grunted, stretched out his arms over his head. “Is it morning.” We dragged ourselves out of bed, Steve and Tommy had morning wood. I turned on the shower, as Tommy and Steve took turns naked pissing. We washed each other under the shower, slow and soapy, smiles and loving. We all dressed in track pants. We all drank coffee. We leant on the table on our elbows. We sat on the back veranda and smoked pot. We feverishly stripped each other off again and fucked like mad men in the middle of my bed. I was hard in Steve's arse, as he lay onto of To...

Steve and I were going out Saturday night. It had been Steve's idea, he said he hadn't been out for as long as he could remember. He'd got the meth, it's how it all started, actually. Some guy at work took him aside. "You go out much?" "Oh sometimes, not so much..." "You know, dancing." "Yeah." Steve was confused. "Partying? with your boyfriend?" "Yeah, sure." "Do you..." The colleague looked around to make sure there was nobody who could hear. "You know... take... stuff?" "Huh? Oh? Um? Er? yeah, sure. Occasionally." "I could get you some." Steve said no, thanks but no thanks, initially. But then he went back to the colleague and said he would have some. The colleague is trying to pay his house off. Too big a mortgage when the interest rates were low. He and his wife drew down on their loan to party hard. Now things are tight. Steve looked hot. Bl...

Cool and cloudy. Rain falls. Clouds blanket the sky. Cold days. Cool fronts blow in. Desire stalls. In September it rains.