Walking The Dog
Chubby and I headed into the Carlton Gardens earlyish, 8am, for our morning walk. Chubby gets that look on his face as he trots along next to me, as though he is surveying his territory. The noble breed of the English Bulldog out surveying his lands. If dogs come up to him, more often than not, he gives them a sideways glance as if to say, Don’t bother me now, I’m busy walking with my human, can’t you see that I am busy.
It was on this very morning that we were stopped by some chick who was eager to exercise the powers bestowed upon her.
“Sir, do you know it is a requirement that you have your dog leashed at all times whilst (I’m not at all sure she used whilst, however) in the gardens.”
“He just walks next to me with the same relationship to him being on a lead.”
“Yes, but the rules state he must be on a lead.”
“What is the difference?”
“He is not complying with the law.”
“He is under my control.”
“You can’t guarantee that with him unleashed.
“Yes, I can.”
“I am just asking you to put him on his lead.”
Now you’d think I would have put Chubby on his lead and we’d have been done. You’d think, wouldn’t you?
“Don’t you think dog owners are the best judge as to whether their dog needs to be on a leash,” I said. “No responsible dog owner would walk an uncontrollable dog off a lead, because their lives would be miserable.”
“Sir, where do you think we would be if everybody flouted the law?”
“Oh, some way towards the idea of nirvana…”
“Sir, do I need to take your name and address…”
“…that we dream of, but never attain.”
“What sir?”
“The state of nirvana, where dogs are free to run, er, ah, free.” I smiled.
“I could give you a fine for an unleased dog, sir, is that what you’d like.”
I caved like a fat boy being offered cake to do his chores. “I’ll put him on his lead.” Chubby looked up at me at that moment, I swear he understands English. If he’d questioned me a la Scooby Doo right at that moment, I wouldn’t have been surprised. “I have it right here.” I clipped Chubby’s lead to his harness.
“It really is for everybody’s wellbeing that we require dogs to be leashed.
God, give a bitch a badge and she thinks she runs the world, I thought.
“Have a good day sir.”
I wanted to say, why don’t you go and fuck yourself, but Chubby looked at me with his big brown eyes, as if to say, hooman, it isn’t worth it.
I didn’t answer.
It was on this very morning that we were stopped by some chick who was eager to exercise the powers bestowed upon her.
“Sir, do you know it is a requirement that you have your dog leashed at all times whilst (I’m not at all sure she used whilst, however) in the gardens.”
“He just walks next to me with the same relationship to him being on a lead.”
“Yes, but the rules state he must be on a lead.”
“What is the difference?”
“He is not complying with the law.”
“He is under my control.”
“You can’t guarantee that with him unleashed.
“Yes, I can.”
“I am just asking you to put him on his lead.”
Now you’d think I would have put Chubby on his lead and we’d have been done. You’d think, wouldn’t you?
“Don’t you think dog owners are the best judge as to whether their dog needs to be on a leash,” I said. “No responsible dog owner would walk an uncontrollable dog off a lead, because their lives would be miserable.”
“Sir, where do you think we would be if everybody flouted the law?”
“Oh, some way towards the idea of nirvana…”
“Sir, do I need to take your name and address…”
“…that we dream of, but never attain.”
“What sir?”
“The state of nirvana, where dogs are free to run, er, ah, free.” I smiled.
“I could give you a fine for an unleased dog, sir, is that what you’d like.”
I caved like a fat boy being offered cake to do his chores. “I’ll put him on his lead.” Chubby looked up at me at that moment, I swear he understands English. If he’d questioned me a la Scooby Doo right at that moment, I wouldn’t have been surprised. “I have it right here.” I clipped Chubby’s lead to his harness.
“It really is for everybody’s wellbeing that we require dogs to be leashed.
God, give a bitch a badge and she thinks she runs the world, I thought.
“Have a good day sir.”
I wanted to say, why don’t you go and fuck yourself, but Chubby looked at me with his big brown eyes, as if to say, hooman, it isn’t worth it.
I didn’t answer.
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