Say Yes
I managed to get Kaye’s number from one of my legal contacts. And with great trepidation, I called her number.
“Hello?”
“Kaye?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Josh.”
“Josh who?”
“Josh Grant.”
There was silence. Then the phone went dead.
I called again.
“Hello?”
“Kaye?”
“Yes?”
“Its Josh.”
The phone went dead.
I called again.
“You had better have a very good reason for calling me, and if the first words out of your mouth aren’t the words I want to hear, I am hanging up again. Choose your words carefully.”
“How are you?”
The phone went dead.
I sipped my coffee and thought for a moment.
I called again.
“Hello.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There you go,” said Kaye. “You always were a smart boy, nobody could say you weren’t.”
“How are you?”
“I am good. How are you?”
“I am good too, thanks for asking.”
“What do you want, Josh?”
“What have you been up to?”
“I’ve been good,” said Kaye. “Tell me what you want?”
“How’s Rocco?”
“Oh, really Josh, get to the point.”
“You are making me nervous,” I said. “Surely, I still have a small warm place still in your heart.”
“Oh, this is going to be good,” said Kaye.
“I’ve got a proposition for you…”
“You are in no position to be proposing anything,” said Kaye. “But, you always had more cheek than any one I ever met.”
“That’s why you love me.”
Kaye laughed. “Love you once you unmitigated bastard.”
“Say what you really feel.”
Kaye cackled on the other phone. That was a good sign.
“I’m starting with a new law firm and I need a good secretary,” I said. “Do you know of anyone?”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“Well?”
“No. No I don’t.”
“Oh, come on, I need you, I can’t do it without you.”
“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, now I have heard everything. Really Josh there is no one quite like you.”
“So, that’s a yes?”
“You need someone to cover for you when you have taken off for the afternoon…”
“Oh, come on, how often did that happen?”
“You need someone to explain to the clients where you are, when you are home screwing the best looking grad.”
“Oh, young Jason, I haven’t thought about him in years,” I said. “And you know I got my dates wrong.”
“You need someone to placate the partners when you have taken too much of this, or sniffed too much of that and have gone AWOL for your own survival.”
“Seriously, that was once, and it was the Tuesday after Mardi Gras. I hadn’t taken any thing that day…”
“You need someone to intercept the calls of the furious wives whose husbands you have led astray.”
“She was the devil incarnate. Hopefully she is dead now.”
“You need someone to front up at reception to shoo away the boyfriends of the guys you have sent home to them sticky and off their faces.”
“He was a really big guy and was never going to hit a woman…”
“You need someone to pick up…”
“And you loved it.”
“To cover up…”
“Never cover up…”
“Oh, come on…”
“Massage the truth at the very worst…”
“To straighten up…”
“You were the best.”
“And to generally lie for you when all other options have been exhausted…”
“You make me sound like a monster.”
“And when the going got tough, and after all we’d been through, you deserted me at the worst law firm in the history of the law.”
“I got the sack,” I said. “I never told you that, but there it is.”
“What?”
“That bitch Belinda, and that gutter mouth Alexis, and that halfwit Cindy ambushed me and I was fired.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Is that really true.”
“Absolutely.”
“Just like Vic, what did he call them?”
“The Witches of Eastwick.”
“Yes, The Witches of Eastwick,” Kaye repeated.
“Vile slags just in it for their own benefit.”
“Why haven’t you ever told me that before?”
“I’ve never told anyone,” I said. “I never wanted it to get out, you know what the gossip mills are like?”
“Yes, I do,” said Kaye. “Those idiots. Sucking the life out of the company for their own personal promotion…”
“It wasn’t even for promotion,” I said. “It was just for power, to prove which one of them had the biggest dick.”
Kaye laughed her too-many-cigarettes laugh. “Oh, I have missed you, you utter shit.”
“So, what are you doing?”
“I left Hacks at the beginning of the year, I got some long service leave. I’ve been looking around for some work, but not really seriously, I’ve just been enjoying some time off.”
“So, what do you say?”
“I don’t really want to work full time.”
“I’m working Monday to Wednesday.”
“Oh Josh, am I really ready for all that? You?”
“I’ve grown up since those day,” I said. “The shenanigans are pretty much over. It’s just getting the work done and going home, now a days.”
“Well, I am looking for three days a week.”
“I’m happily married…”
“Really, you took the plunge?”
“No, not technically,” I said. “But I’m just a one man guy now…”
“One man?”
“One’ish, but it’s the main guy, or the highway,” I said. Not really sure where that expression came from. “He works at the same law firm, you’ll get to meet him.”
“Oh yes,” said Kaye. “Which law firm is it?”
“Gertrude & Company.”
“Oh, okay,” said Kaye. “Jill Klapp is there and she is very happy.”
“Come on then, it’ll be like old times,” I said. “Cleaned up and sanitised and repackaged for the modern commercial law office, of course.”
“Of course,” said Kaye. “I’m too old for Josh mark one now a days.”
“Say yes.”
“Sure, why not,” said Kaye. “When do we start.”
“Well, I start next Monday, but you can start whenever you like,” I said. “I can use a float secretary until you get there.”
“Monday suits me.”
“I could kiss you.”
“Still a suave as ever.”
“You crack me up.”
“Hello?”
“Kaye?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Josh.”
“Josh who?”
“Josh Grant.”
There was silence. Then the phone went dead.
I called again.
“Hello?”
“Kaye?”
“Yes?”
“Its Josh.”
The phone went dead.
I called again.
“You had better have a very good reason for calling me, and if the first words out of your mouth aren’t the words I want to hear, I am hanging up again. Choose your words carefully.”
“How are you?”
The phone went dead.
I sipped my coffee and thought for a moment.
I called again.
“Hello.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There you go,” said Kaye. “You always were a smart boy, nobody could say you weren’t.”
“How are you?”
“I am good. How are you?”
“I am good too, thanks for asking.”
“What do you want, Josh?”
“What have you been up to?”
“I’ve been good,” said Kaye. “Tell me what you want?”
“How’s Rocco?”
“Oh, really Josh, get to the point.”
“You are making me nervous,” I said. “Surely, I still have a small warm place still in your heart.”
“Oh, this is going to be good,” said Kaye.
“I’ve got a proposition for you…”
“You are in no position to be proposing anything,” said Kaye. “But, you always had more cheek than any one I ever met.”
“That’s why you love me.”
Kaye laughed. “Love you once you unmitigated bastard.”
“Say what you really feel.”
Kaye cackled on the other phone. That was a good sign.
“I’m starting with a new law firm and I need a good secretary,” I said. “Do you know of anyone?”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“Well?”
“No. No I don’t.”
“Oh, come on, I need you, I can’t do it without you.”
“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, now I have heard everything. Really Josh there is no one quite like you.”
“So, that’s a yes?”
“You need someone to cover for you when you have taken off for the afternoon…”
“Oh, come on, how often did that happen?”
“You need someone to explain to the clients where you are, when you are home screwing the best looking grad.”
“Oh, young Jason, I haven’t thought about him in years,” I said. “And you know I got my dates wrong.”
“You need someone to placate the partners when you have taken too much of this, or sniffed too much of that and have gone AWOL for your own survival.”
“Seriously, that was once, and it was the Tuesday after Mardi Gras. I hadn’t taken any thing that day…”
“You need someone to intercept the calls of the furious wives whose husbands you have led astray.”
“She was the devil incarnate. Hopefully she is dead now.”
“You need someone to front up at reception to shoo away the boyfriends of the guys you have sent home to them sticky and off their faces.”
“He was a really big guy and was never going to hit a woman…”
“You need someone to pick up…”
“And you loved it.”
“To cover up…”
“Never cover up…”
“Oh, come on…”
“Massage the truth at the very worst…”
“To straighten up…”
“You were the best.”
“And to generally lie for you when all other options have been exhausted…”
“You make me sound like a monster.”
“And when the going got tough, and after all we’d been through, you deserted me at the worst law firm in the history of the law.”
“I got the sack,” I said. “I never told you that, but there it is.”
“What?”
“That bitch Belinda, and that gutter mouth Alexis, and that halfwit Cindy ambushed me and I was fired.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Is that really true.”
“Absolutely.”
“Just like Vic, what did he call them?”
“The Witches of Eastwick.”
“Yes, The Witches of Eastwick,” Kaye repeated.
“Vile slags just in it for their own benefit.”
“Why haven’t you ever told me that before?”
“I’ve never told anyone,” I said. “I never wanted it to get out, you know what the gossip mills are like?”
“Yes, I do,” said Kaye. “Those idiots. Sucking the life out of the company for their own personal promotion…”
“It wasn’t even for promotion,” I said. “It was just for power, to prove which one of them had the biggest dick.”
Kaye laughed her too-many-cigarettes laugh. “Oh, I have missed you, you utter shit.”
“So, what are you doing?”
“I left Hacks at the beginning of the year, I got some long service leave. I’ve been looking around for some work, but not really seriously, I’ve just been enjoying some time off.”
“So, what do you say?”
“I don’t really want to work full time.”
“I’m working Monday to Wednesday.”
“Oh Josh, am I really ready for all that? You?”
“I’ve grown up since those day,” I said. “The shenanigans are pretty much over. It’s just getting the work done and going home, now a days.”
“Well, I am looking for three days a week.”
“I’m happily married…”
“Really, you took the plunge?”
“No, not technically,” I said. “But I’m just a one man guy now…”
“One man?”
“One’ish, but it’s the main guy, or the highway,” I said. Not really sure where that expression came from. “He works at the same law firm, you’ll get to meet him.”
“Oh yes,” said Kaye. “Which law firm is it?”
“Gertrude & Company.”
“Oh, okay,” said Kaye. “Jill Klapp is there and she is very happy.”
“Come on then, it’ll be like old times,” I said. “Cleaned up and sanitised and repackaged for the modern commercial law office, of course.”
“Of course,” said Kaye. “I’m too old for Josh mark one now a days.”
“Say yes.”
“Sure, why not,” said Kaye. “When do we start.”
“Well, I start next Monday, but you can start whenever you like,” I said. “I can use a float secretary until you get there.”
“Monday suits me.”
“I could kiss you.”
“Still a suave as ever.”
“You crack me up.”
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