Nick Off Tap
I went out for lunch with Nick. We sat in the Degrades Street and ate.
We discussed work, which is always kind of hilarious, as I don’t understand Nick’s work and he doesn’t understand mine.
“You know Ben is a Daniel substitute,” says Nick.
“I’m sorry?”
“You couldn’t have sex with your brother, so you got a look alike to fuck. And a straight boy to boot.”
“Are you completely fucken nuts?” I say.
“You tell me your brother fantasies,” says Nick. “And the embodiment of those fantasies is Ben.”
“That is a fantasy, that is the point of fantasies,” I say. “They don’t become reality.”
“Don’t they?”
“Nick, you really need to put your dodgy HR psychology degree away when you leave work, it really does you no good.”
“How dare you,” says Nick. “I’ll have you know I am very good at what I do.”
“I have a boyfriend, and that is Ben. And that relationship is good,” I say. “You need to get a grip and deal with your own disappointments, and stop projecting them on to me.”
“What?”
“Hon, I mean it.”
“I just say it how I see it.”
“Really, if I hadn’t known you from kindergarten, right about now,” I say. “I think I’d be walking away…”
“You always do that.”
“I’d be done, babe. You are talking absolute shit.”
Nick looked all cats bum at me. He shook his head, but he was clearly lost for words.
“And while we are at it.”
“Yes,” he says. Pouting.
“Will you stop having tete-a-tetes with my mother.”
“Your mother is a very lovely women.”
“Yes, she is.”
“And she is very interesting.”
“Yes, she is.”
“And we enjoy each other’s company very much.”
“Now that is where the problem starts.”
“We have the occasional lunch.”
“And when you two get together you become a…” Maybe I am going down the wrong path here?
“We become a what?”
“Nick. I don’t want my private life shared with my mother via you.”
“But you are the common thread…”
“Exactly my point…”
“You can’t expect us not to discuss you?”
“If your relationship with my mother is so strong it shouldn’t amount to discussions about me.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry you can’t see that,” I say. “You two should be talking about the things you have in common…”
“Which is you.”
“No, it should be books you have read, movies you have seen, countries you have travelled to, men you both fancy, even…”
“And that is… you.”
"Huh?" The hairs raised up on the back of my neck. Daniel has always said Nick was in love with me, a proposition I always found preposterous. I have always put it down to, off track straight boy observations.
“Oh, no, I see what you mean. Brad Pitt…”
Isn’t that Ben. “Seriously.”
“Sylvester Stallone…”
He is stumbling when he shouldn’t be stumbling. “Now you are worrying me.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do… I?” Jesus.
“Don’t read anything into this.”
The waiter comes to the table. “Would you guys like coffee?”
“No, I have to go,” I say.
We discussed work, which is always kind of hilarious, as I don’t understand Nick’s work and he doesn’t understand mine.
“You know Ben is a Daniel substitute,” says Nick.
“I’m sorry?”
“You couldn’t have sex with your brother, so you got a look alike to fuck. And a straight boy to boot.”
“Are you completely fucken nuts?” I say.
“You tell me your brother fantasies,” says Nick. “And the embodiment of those fantasies is Ben.”
“That is a fantasy, that is the point of fantasies,” I say. “They don’t become reality.”
“Don’t they?”
“Nick, you really need to put your dodgy HR psychology degree away when you leave work, it really does you no good.”
“How dare you,” says Nick. “I’ll have you know I am very good at what I do.”
“I have a boyfriend, and that is Ben. And that relationship is good,” I say. “You need to get a grip and deal with your own disappointments, and stop projecting them on to me.”
“What?”
“Hon, I mean it.”
“I just say it how I see it.”
“Really, if I hadn’t known you from kindergarten, right about now,” I say. “I think I’d be walking away…”
“You always do that.”
“I’d be done, babe. You are talking absolute shit.”
Nick looked all cats bum at me. He shook his head, but he was clearly lost for words.
“And while we are at it.”
“Yes,” he says. Pouting.
“Will you stop having tete-a-tetes with my mother.”
“Your mother is a very lovely women.”
“Yes, she is.”
“And she is very interesting.”
“Yes, she is.”
“And we enjoy each other’s company very much.”
“Now that is where the problem starts.”
“We have the occasional lunch.”
“And when you two get together you become a…” Maybe I am going down the wrong path here?
“We become a what?”
“Nick. I don’t want my private life shared with my mother via you.”
“But you are the common thread…”
“Exactly my point…”
“You can’t expect us not to discuss you?”
“If your relationship with my mother is so strong it shouldn’t amount to discussions about me.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry you can’t see that,” I say. “You two should be talking about the things you have in common…”
“Which is you.”
“No, it should be books you have read, movies you have seen, countries you have travelled to, men you both fancy, even…”
“And that is… you.”
"Huh?" The hairs raised up on the back of my neck. Daniel has always said Nick was in love with me, a proposition I always found preposterous. I have always put it down to, off track straight boy observations.
“Oh, no, I see what you mean. Brad Pitt…”
Isn’t that Ben. “Seriously.”
“Sylvester Stallone…”
He is stumbling when he shouldn’t be stumbling. “Now you are worrying me.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do… I?” Jesus.
“Don’t read anything into this.”
The waiter comes to the table. “Would you guys like coffee?”
“No, I have to go,” I say.
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