The Two Brothers
Two brothers who live on the other side, with the Labrador called Mary. Gary and Simon.
One of them walks Mary each day.
Or comes into your yard, yet again, to collect escaping Mary.
It was once always the smoking hot brother, Gary, well, you didn’t mind him coming to get his Mary from your back yard, but lately it has been the ugly balding one, Simon. The perpetually grumpy brother. Well he lives with his smoking hot brother, Gary, so he would be reminded every day how he missed out in the looks department, in life, big time.
“Is that what you think? said Daniel.”
“What?”
“Living here with me every day, knowing you are the ugly one.”
“You don’t get to walk my bulldog though,” I said, provocatively.
“What?” said Daniel. “Oh, euw!” said Daniel wincing, like he had just thought of the most repulsive thing there was.
“I would have done you long before you were the last man on earth, babe,” I said. “Let me tell you.”
“What?” said Daniel. “Oh, euw!” He was thinking of the most repulsive thing on earth again.
“We did it to camera.” I made a jerking motion.
“Oh, sh! We weren’t…” Daniel screwed up his face in that I-knew-Josh-could-never-be-trusted big brother anguish.
“No, we weren’t.”
“Josh!”
“The point is, I’m sure Simon gets to walk Gary’s bulldog.” I raise my eye brows and give Daniel a nudge.
“What?” said Daniel. “They have a Lab…”
Daniel looked at me.
I gave him the, ‘Oh, come one?’ look.
“Oh, euw! No! You are disgusting.”
“You’d be surprised how many…”
“Will you stop it,” said Daniel. “You are truly disgusting.”
“Have you seen the way they look at each other.”
“No, no I haven’t”
“It is obvious, creepy, we-have-a-secret-we-can-never-tell, stuff, it sets off gaydars on multiple levels with me.”
“Ben,” demands Daniel. As though he needed a second opinion.
Now, you know, this could go either way, truly it could, Ben is gay on training wheels, do not forget, despite his age, he was a late recruit. He is not your simple, straight down the (fabulous) line gay, you understand.
“I think you gays are always looking for it, where it sometimes isn’t...”
“But invariably is, when we get back to look at it,” I said.
“Very disappointed to see that we have finally lost you, brother Ben,” said Daniel. “But you’ve got to do what you want to do.”
“It used to always be the good looking one Gary,” said Daniel. “Walking the dog, having coffee with it in Lygon Street. Now it’s always the balding one, it seems, all the time.
“Exactly, even the straights have noticed,” I said. I raised my hands in the air for emphasis.
“Where do you think he is,” said Daniel. “Gary, the good looking one?”
“I read about that New York drag queen who finally succumbed to ‘effects of AIDS’ and they were cleaning out her closet and in the back was a corpse, wrapped in more and more body bags. Dead for twenty years.”
“Is that where you think Gary is,” said Daniel.
“In three body bags, but who’s counting, in the spare room with the door shut.”
“More and more body bags the more he rots?”
“More and more body bags,” I say. “More and more.”
We both laugh, and Daniel and I laugh the same, kind of an echo of each other.
“You’re both ghouls,” says Ben.
One of them walks Mary each day.
Or comes into your yard, yet again, to collect escaping Mary.
It was once always the smoking hot brother, Gary, well, you didn’t mind him coming to get his Mary from your back yard, but lately it has been the ugly balding one, Simon. The perpetually grumpy brother. Well he lives with his smoking hot brother, Gary, so he would be reminded every day how he missed out in the looks department, in life, big time.
“Is that what you think? said Daniel.”
“What?”
“Living here with me every day, knowing you are the ugly one.”
“You don’t get to walk my bulldog though,” I said, provocatively.
“What?” said Daniel. “Oh, euw!” said Daniel wincing, like he had just thought of the most repulsive thing there was.
“I would have done you long before you were the last man on earth, babe,” I said. “Let me tell you.”
“What?” said Daniel. “Oh, euw!” He was thinking of the most repulsive thing on earth again.
“We did it to camera.” I made a jerking motion.
“Oh, sh! We weren’t…” Daniel screwed up his face in that I-knew-Josh-could-never-be-trusted big brother anguish.
“No, we weren’t.”
“Josh!”
“The point is, I’m sure Simon gets to walk Gary’s bulldog.” I raise my eye brows and give Daniel a nudge.
“What?” said Daniel. “They have a Lab…”
Daniel looked at me.
I gave him the, ‘Oh, come one?’ look.
“Oh, euw! No! You are disgusting.”
“You’d be surprised how many…”
“Will you stop it,” said Daniel. “You are truly disgusting.”
“Have you seen the way they look at each other.”
“No, no I haven’t”
“It is obvious, creepy, we-have-a-secret-we-can-never-tell, stuff, it sets off gaydars on multiple levels with me.”
“Ben,” demands Daniel. As though he needed a second opinion.
Now, you know, this could go either way, truly it could, Ben is gay on training wheels, do not forget, despite his age, he was a late recruit. He is not your simple, straight down the (fabulous) line gay, you understand.
“I think you gays are always looking for it, where it sometimes isn’t...”
“But invariably is, when we get back to look at it,” I said.
“Very disappointed to see that we have finally lost you, brother Ben,” said Daniel. “But you’ve got to do what you want to do.”
“It used to always be the good looking one Gary,” said Daniel. “Walking the dog, having coffee with it in Lygon Street. Now it’s always the balding one, it seems, all the time.
“Exactly, even the straights have noticed,” I said. I raised my hands in the air for emphasis.
“Where do you think he is,” said Daniel. “Gary, the good looking one?”
“I read about that New York drag queen who finally succumbed to ‘effects of AIDS’ and they were cleaning out her closet and in the back was a corpse, wrapped in more and more body bags. Dead for twenty years.”
“Is that where you think Gary is,” said Daniel.
“In three body bags, but who’s counting, in the spare room with the door shut.”
“More and more body bags the more he rots?”
“More and more body bags,” I say. “More and more.”
We both laugh, and Daniel and I laugh the same, kind of an echo of each other.
“You’re both ghouls,” says Ben.
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