Coda Josh Grant

  Ben and I went out clubbing Saturday night. We had a great night. We got home late, walking home as the sun came up.

We had an AI demonstration on what it can do for us. It does in minutes, what a couple of junior lawyers would take days in research for a case. Wow!  But is AI going to look as good as Chris, or Campbell do in a pair of suit trousers, I ask you? Ha ha. Truthfully, it looks great. You still have to check it, of course. We got some rubbish out of it, but the time it takes. I mean it's worth it. You just have to do a serious review, but that is something I would do anyway once Chris and Campbell come to my desk and say, "We've finished the research job, sir." (Do you like that? Sir. Ha ha.) panting with ambition. (Well, that's how I picture them) I dictate screeds of notes into my phone, and while the dictation works well, and saves me a lot of time, I still have to go through it and correct the mistakes. It's kind of the same thing, you know for illustrative purposes, but turbo charged. One day I might write a story about a law firm. My Days Leading The Blind.

“Faith gives people meaning.” “You can fool some of the people, all of the time. It is as simple as that.” “People need to believe.” “People want something in which to believe it seems to me that they don’t care too much what it is. They don’t care how implausible it is, they don’t really care what the details are, just tell them, and they will buy in, you know, if it means some idea of salvation, or whatever it is you want to call it.” “Faith is truth in the eternal.” “Eternal life, yeah sure, we’ll have some of that. You know, because the life on earth is so fleeting, and it really makes so little sense. All that investment, all that struggle and effort and in the end it means nothing. We all mean nothing. Fifty years, not even, and any meaning any of us had is wiped away like a sponge through a vegetable stain.” “Don’t you see, faith gives you meaning in life.” “So, anyone who offered us anything more than nothing and we are willing to buy in. Because that is essentially what religi...

Nick and I were doing Saturday morning breakfast together. We’d both ordered poached eggs with toast. We were drinking coffee. Nick had picked up a magazine when we got there. “Perhaps, I need to go back to uni? Learn something new? Get the brain thinking again?”  “Perhaps,” said Nick. He was leafing through a magazine and I wasn’t at all convinced he was really listening. “I've done a Masters of Law before I started at Gertrude's. So, I guess, that's the law side wrapped up.” “Oh, what for?” said Nick.  “To extend myself,” I said. “To give my brain a workout.” “Did you use a Masters of Law? Really?” “Erm? I’m a lawyer, hello,” I said. “But, did it benefit you?” asked Nick. “30k more a year in salary?” “Couldn’t you give you brain a workout with something more interesting?” said Nick. “Oh, I guess, if I was going to go to all that trouble, I’d do something completely different, maybe creative writing, or photography.” “Yeah, well,” said Nick. He turned the pages of the maga...

Ben and I were sitting up in bed eating toast and drinking coffee. Harley and Butch were both spread out on the end of the bed. Ben looked up from his iPad. He leaned back against the pillows and sighed. “Tell me a story you have never told me?” “A story I have never told you?” “Yeah,” said Ben. “Make it a good one.” “A good one?” I questioned. “You mean you want to hear a dirty story?” “Well, yeah, sure.” Ben smiled. “I really meant something QI, but now you have to tell me a dirty story.” I remember the back room at those dance parties, all hot and close and hushed, but not quiet at all really, with that underlying heaving and heavy breathing and the occasional groan and grunt. And smell of sweat and sensation of movement that wasn't movement at all, as such. I remember that one back room when I followed that guy inside and he walked over to a wall and stood there with his back to it.  And I thought what the hell and I want straight over to him and started kissing his soft lips a...

I met Carl at the bakery, he was running errands, is how he put it. I was getting sweet focaccias, my normal Saturday morning coffee accompaniment. I was heading out with my brown paper bags, as Carl was just coming in. I spun on my heel. He said he'd get his stuff and then he'd follow me home, saying something about not having seen me around.  "Huh?" "I haven't seen Daniel around just lately." We smoke half a joint, which I have in the ashtray in the kitchen, ready for after my orange and walnut focaccia. I put brewed coffee on, as Carl went cross-eyed.  "Pot always makes me feel great. And he does a little dance, right there on the tiled floor. He's an eager puppy. "It's my happy dance."  I can see the boy loves pot, it's good to see. He's beautiful. He's got the sexiest legs, on him, in his tan shorts. He's got hairy legs and he  just oozes sex appeal. "So, Daniel's not here, I'm guessing." ...

It was a short week. It just flew by until today, which seemed like three days in itself. I didn't have much to do, I should have just taken the afternoon off, but by the time I realised it was 4.30 and there did seem to be much point. But now it's over, so what do I care. "Let's go dancing," said Daniel. "You and me." Friday night is my night out of choice, now. That way I have two days to recover and not just one. If I go out on Friday night, when I come-to it is Sunday morning. If I go out Saturday night, the next thing I seem to know is that it is Monday morning. "Okay," I said. "Where?" "Take me to a gay bar," said Daniel. "You wanna pick up?" "No, not really."  "It kind of spoils the whole thing." "What are you going to do?" "Isn't a gay bar the best place to pick up girls." "I'm thinking that is an urban myth." "I've always wanted to test it ...

“Tell me Josh, Does a player deserve to possess anything of worth, since he chases everything in trousers and then imagines he can successfully hide his shame by slandering all those guys who chase anything in trousers?” said Carl. "Are you calling me a player?" "Well, Josh, you have to admit…" Carl raised his eyebrows. "I admit nothing." "It doesn't change anything." "Besides, I don't slander guys who, um, enthusiastically part take. I endorse it. What else is life for?" "Is that what you call yourself." “What? An endorser of freedom?” “No.” “That is what I call myself.” “It is not freedom, it is slavery.” “What? A slave to your feelings? “A slave to your base desires.” "And I don't have any shame to hide." "Don't you?" "No." "How many people have you slept with?" "I don't know." "Just roughly?" "I have no idea." "Perhaps, you shoul...

Daniel and I went to Carl,  Daniel's best mate ’s art exhibition. He always wanted to be an artist, he's only being a doctor until he gets his art break. "You wanna come?" asked Daniel. "Yeah, sure I do." "You still got the hots for Carl?" "I'm interested in his art." "Is that what you are calling it this year?" said Daniel. "Don't you want me to come?" "No, come, I want you to come. I asked you, didn't I?" "You sure don't sound like it." "Just don't fuck Carl," said Daniel. "I thought he was straight." "I know what you are like," said Daniel. "Anything in trousers..." "Says Amanda." "Well?" Daniel just looked at me. "She says the same thing about you." "In trousers?" "No, anything in a skirt when she is talking about you." "Bullshit." "Haven't you heard her talk about her...

Carl had come around to go out to the pub with Daniel. Of course, Daniel was running late, so he was still in the shower washing himself, or picking out clothes, or some such thing. I’d rolled a joint and shared it with Carl. And pretty quickly, we were both pretty stoned. Carl asks me if i want to get down on my knees.  "What?" I wasn't sure I heard him properly. "Do you want a man bigger, taller and stronger?" ?" says Carl. “Isn’t that what gay guys want?” It's true he makes me swoon... which is kind of nice. "However they come," I say. He flashes his big, Carl smile. Anyone who makes you swoon, must make you feel good. Mustn't it? "I thought you guys all wanted muscles and big guys." "I just want someone nice." "Someone nice?" Carl repeats. "Like you," I say. I couldn’t help myself, the pot was doing its magic and it just kind of came out. "Hey, Josh." The sun was setting and the night w...

Carl Coltrane, that sexy best friend of Daniel's, has been jogging a lot this year, now he's moved to Carlton. He's got really into it.  He's inspired me to go jogging wth Daniel. "You coming jogging again?" asked Daniel. "Yep." "That's three days this week." "Really, I hadn't kept count." "Really?" said Daniel. He's looking great. Those little shorts that cup his sexy arse like the proverbial glove - around those little cheeks snugly. His thighs are solid, curve at the front, hairy, his shorts always fit snug on them, yum, fucken, yum! And when he jogs topless, just with a slash of material around him, he looks sexy as.... "You know Carl is straight, don't you?" said Daniel. "Yeah, sure." "He's not going to..." "I'm just trying to get fitter, don't you want me to come." "No. Come. But Carl isn't gay." "I know," I said. Carl smi...

It's freezing. There's no mistaking it's cold. The weekend was going to be cold Ben and I went jogging. It warms us up. It feels nice to sweat in the cold. Ben and I fuck in the shower when we are getting cleaned up, afterwards. He's very keen on gay sex for a straight boy. Chuckle. I say that to him, he doesn't much like it. "Give it up," he says. "It still turns me on," I say. He laughs and takes me in his arms. "Does it just?" "Yep." "You know you are a cliche." "Huh! Can't a boy have a fantasy." "But it puts me down." "What?" "You know I ma right." "Um… er…" I laugh. "Jesus…" "See, you know I am right." "We all take things so seriously now a days, don't we." "Shut up and just admit you are wrong." "What?" "Go on, let me hear it." "Fuck off." I try to squirm my way out of his arms. "...

Ben arrived in the morning. I was surprised how much I’d missed him, it having just been 4, or 5 days. He smiled his handsome smile when he saw me. “Hey.” I grabbed him and kissed him. Butch followed him in. He and Harley kind of bumped faces then headed to Harley’s bed and collapsed into it together “I missed you.” “I missed you too.” I pushed him backwards onto the couch, “What?” I grabbed his belt buckle. “Hey!” Ben exclaimed. I undid his belt and his jeans. “Oh, okay,” he said. I pulled down his stripey jocks and his … ...and the doorbell rang, and rang again. as I began to...  and the doorbell rang, and rang, and rang, again I was just about to, with my hand… “That was the door bell,” Ben said. "Jesus fuck," I said.  I let go…  "Oh what!" Ben said.  I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and headed to the door. I swung the front door open and... "Hello darling, you father and I have come to wish you happy Xmas." "Mum. Dad." "I guess ...

We all took Monday off. And we all left at varying times after breakfast. It felt like we’d been on camp and I felt a certain kind of sadness to leave and go home.  Oh, I missed Ben, of course, but I could have sent for him. (sent for him, do you like that) All that sand and surf, wouldn't it be a nice lifestyle, isn't it a nice lifestyle. I could have romped with him in the shallows, got him all covered in sand... Anyway, against everything I was feeling, I packed myself and Harley up in the car and drove away. "I looked at Harley, in the rear vision mirror, and he looked at me. "Let's go kiddo." I slid the sunroof open and selected 1st gear. He looked out the car window like he was taking one last look. There is that certain melancholy which is specific to the conclusion of time away with friends. We all had such a good time, we want to hold onto the carefree feeling. You don't want to leave and head back to your life, to the grind and routine of it all...

We all looked hung over Sunday morning, because we all were.  Jed made a big breakfast for everyone, which was nice.  I drank coffee, and gazed out the window, as my first joint kicked in.  It really is beautiful up there by the lake. Jed’s grandfather built the cottage however long ago and it had been in his family ever since. George and Chip came out like they were best buddies and drank coffee and ate a big breakfast. I don’t know, they seemed more chummy than usual. “One guess why they looked so pleased with themselves,” said Jed. “Do you reckon?” I asked. “A-ha,” said Jed. “I told you last night,” said Evan. “And what about you two?” said Jed. “Evan’s my baby bro,” I said. “Isn’t that illegal.” “It hasn’t stopped the two of you in the past, if I remember rightly.” “Have you been telling secrets, Ev,” I asked. “Nah, unless there is video evidence, it never happened,” said Evan. “hey, big bro.” “Oh, stop it, you two,” said Jed. “You are getting me going.” Luke and Jare...

Chip was up early in tiny black shorts with his weights out on the lawn. Apparently, Chip never misses a gym day. Evan and I stood by the front windows and did our morning exercise, with a fat doobie between us. “He looks good,” says Evan. “Would you like a tissue for that drool?” I asked. “Shut up,” says Evan. “I’m sure chip would accommodate you Ev, I hear he’s very accommodating.” “Ha ha, I just said he looked good,” said Evan. “Can’t a guy pay someone a compliment without it meaning anything.” “Yeah, sure,” I said. “But it isn’t usually paid breathlessly in another room with their tongue as good as hanging out.” We all made our own breakfast. Jed and Trent had it all laid out. “Stop mentally stripping that boy of what little he has on and come and eat something,” said Jed having quietly walked up behind us. We skied all day Saturday, with Trent’s boat and Chip’s boat we all got a lot of skiing in. They all looked sexy in their wetsuits. We’re all good water skiers, something we sta...

Me and the guys went away water skiing. We try to get away skiing often, but it doesn’t always work out that way. We're all busy. This particular weekend Ben didn’t want to come. He’d had really busy weeks and he just wanted to catch up on sleep, see his family and generally piss around. I tried to talk him into coming, but he wouldn’t be convinced. Boyfriends? There’s just no controlling them sometimes. Ha, ha. The ski weekend was with a number of my old uni buddies, up to Jed & Trent’s ski shack on Lake Eppalock. So, it was me without Ben, George without Sophie, Evan Carmody, Chip Bellamy Roche, Jed & Trent, Luke without boyfriend Scott, and Jared without boyfriend Lincoln. And the token straight boy Carl Freeman.   Jed & Trent had both their cars up there, Jed’s Range Rover and Trent’s Focus RS. George and Evan drove up together in Evan's brand new Alfa Gulia Quadrifoglio. They've been best mates forever. Apparently, Evan drove at the speed of sound, accordin...

Guys don’t care about nudity, they don’t, they like letting it all hang out, as they say, well, let's face it, it is freedom, now isn't it. There is something freeing about it, all that fresh air blowing the sweat away from place that air seldom blows. It is just their humour, mostly, it makes guys laugh. It makes guys laugh, gay, or straight. Doodles out, let them swing, twirl them around. Do the helicopter. Whatever it is. And they like checking out the competition, no matter who they want to sleep with. It’s just who they are, mostly. Guys like seeing other guys. Guys like comparing. That’s why so many of them go to the gym. And, of course, they like to see they are bigger, yes they do. Stronger. Taller. It’s primal, I guess, comes from the days when it was important, not so much now. Not so much for the longest time, hey. When Ben and I go to the gym, we just have to concentrate on our own individual work outs, otherwise we are making eyes at each other all the time. Look a...

Ben giving it bare chested jogging in the park. He looks hot like that, even if I would be expected to say that. We both go jogging after work.

Hugo is now one year old. He is going to live the whole two dad’s, two mum’s thing, thing his entire life, even if the two, actual, dads hadn’t been decided upon yet or, at least, are somewhere in his future. In his future, let’s hope the Christian’s shit their pants. (It’s always good to make the Christians shit their pants) “It’s good for them,” I said. “Have it confirmed for them yet again that most of the world couldn’t give a toss what they believe in.” “You are, kind of rabidly, anti-Christian,” said Ben. “Sadly, one has to be to counter their rabid Christianity.” “Now is not the time for anti-Christian diatribe,” whispered Natalie in a gruff voice. Ah Natalie? I don't make any effort with her.  Sometimes it is like Ben and I have a son, Hugo, or at least it will be when he starts to connect with his surroundings and talk in full sentences. He’s a cute, happy little chap. He spends most of his time with his mother, and his dad time doesn’t generally include me. Oh yeah, I kno...