Coda Josh Grant

We were walking along the Yarra, it was Ben’s idea. We were heading west towards the city. The Yarra bends around to the left, and the city sky line is clearly visible straight ahead. It was dusk. Tranquil. Beautiful. The sky was like an oil painting. I took a few steps ahead, Ben dropped back. I was saying something as I nonchalantly turned back to look at him. Ben got down on his knee, I instantly knew what he was doing and before I could stop him. (Big eyes) “Will you marry me?” he said. He looked soo adorable, if the truth be known. The sun setting on his handsome face. My first reaction was to laugh at the cliché of it all. (Yeah, I know) I didn’t have a second reaction other than to stifle my first reaction. I stared down at him, the smile was very gradually disappearing from his face, as I remained silent. What could I do? No, really, what could I do? I couldn’t do anything but… I grabbed him by the armpits and pulled him up to his feet until we were standing eye to eye. “Yes,” ...

So, we have company drinks, organised by our catering department, full bar and food from the kitchen. Some partners go, senior lawyers go, which is me, and Ben, even if I don’t always go, lots of nonlegal staff go, but, generally, lots of younger lawyers attend. All the blemish-free grads and baby lawyers. (You know the ones who’d cum the moment you touched their cocks… oh, is it just me who thinks like that?) It is networking, it is work, but really it is socialising, a time to get to know each other better. You know, get up close and personal and find out what one another smells like. Carl Klonk from our group always goes because Carl is a drunk, let’s not mince words. We call him Columbo because he let slip once that Columbo was his middle name and much like the TV character, Carl always looks somewhat dishevelled. Carl and I sometimes have a fag together downstairs when things are getting stressful workwise. Ben didn’t go this night. I just felt like it, for no particular reason, y...

I've been flirting with one of the young lawyers at work, Felix. I didn't really mean to, it just kind of happened. You’re cute. Smiles. Looks. Catching each other’s glances. Looking away. Repeat. In the kitchen getting coffee. “Hi.” “Oh hi.” He’s one of the current crop of grads, he started in the December intake. He’s little and dark and as cute as anything. Very bend-overable, really, yes, if you get my meaning. Those suit pants really fit him, clinging to a couple of lovely mounds. Handsome face, bright eyes, and a tight waist. I’ve imagined him in his undies more than once. He’s been assigned to our practice group. He now comes and stands at my desk and asks me questions. I give him advice like don’t wear brown shoes with blue suits, and clean undies every day, please bring me in your worn ones, ha, ha. I actually did, but I digress. The shoes, not the undies. We were chatting away, when I nonchalantly let my eyes drop, stupid really, not something I want to do at work. I ...

We decided to have a Xmas Party at our place down the beach. Daniel was single and ready to mingle. I was not single, happily not, but still ready to mingle. I bought myself an early Xmas present, a white 1969 Rover 2000TC with wire wheels. I’d taken it for a test drive, and I’d bought it home to show Daniel, fully restored, engine rebuilt, everything, 4 grand. I’d always wanted one, ever since that friend of Rick’s had a red one when I was a kid. We went for a drive, Daniel loved it, he said I should. We were out in the street and I was making, if only I had some where to keep it comments, when who comes out her front gate next door, but Beth. “Whose is this beauty then?” asks Beth. “It’s Josh’s, he wants to buy it,” says Daniel. “So? Is he going to buy it?” “It’s $4 thousand…” “Oh?” Wanted to be shocked by the sheer extravagance of it. “Oh?” That doesn’t sound so bad. “Um?” She looks at the car again. “Er.” That sounds like a good deal. “So, is he going to buy it?” ...

I had a call from Jodie Maxwell last week, she wanted to catch up, so we arranged to have lunch today. We met on Lygon Street and ate Thai. Jodie bought her bulldog Pepe. Bruno and Pepe get on famously. We were walking down Lygon Street from opposite directions at the same time, Bruno and Pepe leading their respective ways, we got to our destination at exactly the same time. “How are you?” says Jodie. “I’m good, how are you?” I say. “Pepe, mate.” I pat him as Jodie pats Bruno. Pepe and Bruno bumped faces, as bulldogs do, then they both lay down super dog style facing each other. “I’m great,” says Jodie. Jodie bought a bottle of red wine, the waiter opens it for us. “Sit.” “Sit.” “How’s life?” asks Jodie. “How is that gorgeous boyfriend of yours?” “Life is good…” “Not in part to that gorgeous boyfriend of yours…” “Not in part,” I say. “Indeed.” Jodie smiles. “How’s your love life?” I ask. “Oh, you know,” says Jodie. “I need to lower my standards, if I want to be happier, apparently.” T...

I’m in the kitchen when Daniel comes steaming in with flared nostrils. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” “Wrong with me,” I ask incredulously. “What the fuck did you tell Amanda?” “What the fuck did you tell Amanda?” “Nothing,” says Daniel. “That I have a drug problem…” “Well, you do.” “I DO NOT!” I screamed at Daniel. “The only problem I have is you!” That actually pulled him up. “What?” I don’t lose my shit, never, and I just did. “If you say one more time that I have a problem with pot, so help me I will go you with a knife.” Daniel looked stunned. “Seriously, Magda Szubanski impersonations, now?” What can I say, it was unintentional, but, as it turned out, a moment of genius? “What is wrong with you?” That is what you call flipping it completely on its head. It was a complete fluke, truthfully. “Me?” Daniel was clearly undone at that moment. I’d pieced the steely armour and he was exposed. “There is something wrong? You can mask it all you like by telling Amanda that I have a drug...

I’m really happiest when I am stoned. Happier. Nicer. Calmer. Lovelier. Everything …er. I decided that I didn’t want to spend another minute in this world if I wasn’t stoned. (Not exactly, but kind of) Ha ha. My doorbell rings early, it is Amanda. “Darling, I have it all worked out.” “Finally,” I say. “Do tell?” “I’m willing to pay for you to go to drug rehab…” “What?” “To get you over your current problem?” “What problem,” I say. “I don’t have a problem.” Yes, I heard it too, quite unfortunate. If only I had said nothing. “Oh darling.” Amanda did her tinkly laugh, the one that says mother knows best and you have no idea. “I know it is a hard admission to make…” “Seriously? “Yes, darling.” “Who the hell have you been talking to…” “A mother knows, a mother know…” “Who?” I say. “Tell me!” “I told you a mother knows.” “Bullshit.” “Oh Josh, you have just sorted your private life and your professional life,” said Amanda. “Don’t mess it up now.” “What?” “Nick says he is really worried about ...