Awake

I'm sitting up in bed smoking joint, as the sun comes up. What time is it?

I fell asleep watching TV. I was dreaming about being lost in some religious cult. The rat-faced priest was holding my arm, holding me back, Sister Mother Maria was trying to stop him from stopping me. My head was spinning, as they yelled religious truths at me, kind of like a chant.

When I woke, the evangelicals were blaring from the flat-screen TV.

“Reeepent in the name of JeeZUS, our lord and sayvyour. Amen. Amen! 

That's what the insomniacs are given a diet of, what they get when they are at their most vulnerable, sleep deprived. It's akin to water-boarding wearing you down, where you will accept anything, admit to anything, believe anything, I suspect. I so object to them, that American disease, the TV evangelist coming to Australia like a virus. 

I stare at them, I smoke my joint. I allow their insanity seep into the room, if momentarily. You have to view it as satire, you have to, otherwise it can make you sick, such mental disease being allowed to escape.

Surely, old movies are better for them, the insomniacs? For all of us?

Midnight mass. Darkness to day light, praise the fucking lord. It seems the story of the deluded comes creeping at night, like rats in a sewer, or priests in a child’s bedroom after dinner. Repent, in the dark, at the hour of your hopelessness.

I'm going to watch some porn.

Sunday morning is just breaking.

I have split up with my boyfriend MacLean. It’s probably best. I am alone, on the week end for the first time in, I don't know, how long. He’s departed for places unknown. 

I won’t ever date someone again just because I think he’s got a hot name. Nyr, it doesn’t work. I’m sure that will come as a shock to all of you. Oh, I wanted it to be something, it had great potential, on paper it was fantastic. But no.

I sign in to see if Carlo is on Facebook, it's 7.30am and he's up early sometimes. He flirted with me online, last time we were on. He said he wanted to have sex again. Right now, I can't think of a reason why not.

MacLean shaves every hair off his body, to completely hairless. Well, not his eyebrows, that would be kind of weird. (I had a troubled friend, Jason, he’s dead now, who shaved his eyebrows off once, I couldn’t look at him, it was too bizarre) 

Carlo has a hairy chest and hairy stomach, a hairy lot things. I miss hairy guys, sometimes, you know.