James' Back

I've been seeing more of James. I really like him. Pretty much we smoke pot and make out. He's split with his last girlfriend, so he is back on the sex-go-round. I don't mind, he's cute. And he's a puppy for dope, his last girlfriend wouldn't let him smoke it.

He’s coming over this afternoon.

Sometime later...

I’m just going to have to teach  James to give me his arse. He’ll come around, as long as I’m gentle. He’ll like it, you’ll see. The trick is not to scare them. You've just got to get them into it without too much explaining what it is. I few joints, a bit of amyl, some booze, whatever and “Surprise!” By then, the nerve endings inside him will take care of his enjoyment. And before he knows it, he’ll be split open and loving it.

I kept thinking about it during the afternoon. It made me whistle. Things that I want and that I scheme for and think about in my head, often make me whistle, as I am thinking about them. If I am doing other things and I’m whistling while I do it, you can bet that I am not thinking about the thing that I appear to be doing.

We smoked a few joints and got ripped. He says he missed me. Straight boys... er... confused boys, who can work them out? Of course, James isn't straight. He still thinks he is, everybody thinks he is, but he isn't. James isn't a straight guy messing around with other men, no, he is a gay boy who is taking his sweet fucken time working it out.

He has the whole coming out process ahead of him, even if he isn't aware of it, just yet. I think that is why I like him, he isn't a straight boy messing around because he is bored, or he wants drugs, or he’s drunk, or he is just horny, who is going to ditch me the moment a nice piece of skirt comes along, no. There is a journey to be had here, and I want to be his... er... um... guide. 

"Watch the first step, it can really play with your head."

There is a part of me who thinks that I don’t want to go through another coming out scenario again. Then there is the other part of me that is really excited by it. We’re a complicated, contradictory bunch, us humans, now aren't we.

I reckon I want to be James’ first boyfriend, well, acknowledged male lover, more so than boyfriend. I don't need him as a boyfriend, I just want to break him into being gay. Then I'll send him off to a bright new world.