Daniel Is The Man
I was laying back on the couch, I think, with one eye opened for some time watching TV lazily. The TV was shit. I just couldn’t be bothered getting up and going to bed. The evening slipped away.
Daniel made an appearance around midnight. “It is official, the city of Melbourne has gone lezo.”
“The entire population?” I quizzed.
“No, I think it is just the women in the 1990s birth range.”
“No luck?”
“Not even a smart rejection line.”
“What’s a boy to do?”
“You may well make light of the situation, but it is very serious, fine young men are going out there and putting it out for the world to see, some of the finest, I wasn’t alone out there on the front line and can you guess how we…”
“You.”
“I got rewarded for my efforts?”
“I don’t know Daniel, how did you get rewarded?’
“With nothing. A big fat nothing. And yet, the girl’s are always saying there is a lack of good men out there and when we go out there, may I tell, they reward us with nothing. A big fat noting, Josh, a big fat nothing.”
“Perhaps, you should have worn a nicer shirt.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Josh.” For the first time I noticed him slurring and when he tried to put his keys in the car key bowl, he lost his balance just ever so slightly, and he had to do a quick three step to get back to where he was standing. “I’m going to bed.”
Pippa, Tommy's mother, came over late. Her husband is oversea somewhere. She'd been home drinking wine on her own, her boys are out. Pippa and I have become good friends, since Tommy's unveiling as a shirt lifter. She said she was bored.
The doorbell rang late. There was Pippa, looking a little disheveled.
“Hi, hi,” Pippa slurred. “You up? Good.” She came through the front door leading with a bottle of champagne, without waiting for my answer.
“I guess I am.”
“You got two glasses for this.”
“I guess the answer would be yes, yet again.
“What have you been doing? Pippa asked. She had her drunk eyes on, you know, not quite focusing.
“Well I don’t have to ask you what you’ve been doing?”
“Oh Josh, I’m sorry. Is this too terrible?”
“Voila.” I produced two wine glasses.
Pippa clapped her hands together.
I filled one glass. “Too terrible? What are you talking about?”
“Coming over in the middle of the night, like a lush.”
I filled the second glass. “This is the original house of lush.” I laughed, thinking about our most recent performances.
“How do you do it Josh, just how do you do it?”
We held our glasses up. “Cheers,” we both said.
I wiped the excess wet liquid away from my mouth with the back of my hand. “Do what?” I asked.
She took a big swig. “Keep an equilibrium. Do what you do?”
“What do I do?”
“Keep everything sorted. Have such a strong belief in yourself. Always know where you are going?”
“What are you talking about?” Oh yes, the pot smoking, unemployed, hipster lawyer, with no prospect of a full time job any where in his foreseeable future.
“Jo’s away for four short weeks and already I have no idea what to do with myself.”
“He’ll be home soon.”
“The boys are always out, I never get to see them.”
“They are good boys.”
“And what am I Josh, what am I?”
“A proud mother of two strapping boys.”
“Is that it?”
“That’s great…”
“She produced. Is that what it is going to say on my tomb stone?”
“You’re a partner in a law firm.”
“Was. Was a partner. Pack of vulchers.”
“You’re amazing Pippa.”
“So why do I feel like this?”
“A bottle of champagne.” She chugged her glass. “Rapidly heading to two.”
“You don’t have this self doubt.”
“I don’t do anything, haven’t you noticed. So I have nothing to doubt. Besides, of course I do. Everybody does.”
“So what do you do when you feel this way?”
“I laughed. “What?”
“You’d go out and pick up some guy.”
“I am so pleased that you think so highly of me.”
“Cut the crap.”
“Yeah, sure. Maybe?” I laughed again.
“It’s very hard when your husband has been away for some time.”
“Pippa Papas!”
“Maybe, I just need some distraction,” she said. “Oh Josh, have you ever been monogamous?”
“Well, um…”
“I’ve been married for 25 years Josh. What’s it like on the other side?”
I was pretty stoned by that stage, getting sleep from the champagne. I could feel my eye lids heavy over my eyes. I had an urge to laugh out loud. In my state of stoned, I suspected somewhere off in my short-term memory I’d heard this scenario just recently somewhere. If only I could remember.
She was refilling our champagne glasses and I was feeling my two preferred poisons coming together inside me. A paradigm shit, I wouldn’t say that quite as much as I’d say that the original paradigm was starting to spin slowly like a top. I suddenly had the over whelming urge to hang on to something.
“ Daniel is in bed go and get him to sort you out.” The idea was brilliance. "Go on, he was just saying how he wanted it, not all that long ago." Even if, right at that moment, I couldn’t decided how long ago his tail of woe was.
"Oh Josh..." I could tell she was turned on by the idea.
"You are a beautiful woman and Daniel loves beautiful women."
She laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
"Go on, off you go, you are only making my ears bleed."
She was up on the edge of the couch like she wanted to. I knew she wanted to.
"I..." she moved her shoulders around and arched her back. "couldn't..." she splayed her fingers and pulled a grimace. "What would I say..."
"Don't say anything. Just get undressed and get into bed with him..."
She laughed.
"He's very accommodating..."
"He's very sexy, your Daniel..."
"Pippa! He'd love it. He loves beautiful older women..."
"He does?"
"He does."
I just smiled and raised my eye brows.
She opened her eyes wide and shook her head.
I don't know why, but I wanted her to be satisfied. And from all accounts Daniel is good at it. Girl's tell me. The drunk ones ask if I have the same sized cock as him.
Oh she is just going to sit there and procrastinate, she needed a facilitator. I got up, a bit unsteady to be sure and took her hand...
"What are you doing..."
"I'm helping." I pulled her up off the couch.
"Oh, no Josh, I can't... you can't really... oh..." She said she wouldn't, but she didn't resist me.
We were down the hallway. "no... Josh... no, i can't."
"Yes you can. I can see that you want to, and you are only going to talk about it incessantly if you don't." Open Daniel's door very quietly. I took her by the shoulder and guided her through the doorway.
Daniel made an appearance around midnight. “It is official, the city of Melbourne has gone lezo.”
“The entire population?” I quizzed.
“No, I think it is just the women in the 1990s birth range.”
“No luck?”
“Not even a smart rejection line.”
“What’s a boy to do?”
“You may well make light of the situation, but it is very serious, fine young men are going out there and putting it out for the world to see, some of the finest, I wasn’t alone out there on the front line and can you guess how we…”
“You.”
“I got rewarded for my efforts?”
“I don’t know Daniel, how did you get rewarded?’
“With nothing. A big fat nothing. And yet, the girl’s are always saying there is a lack of good men out there and when we go out there, may I tell, they reward us with nothing. A big fat noting, Josh, a big fat nothing.”
“Perhaps, you should have worn a nicer shirt.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Josh.” For the first time I noticed him slurring and when he tried to put his keys in the car key bowl, he lost his balance just ever so slightly, and he had to do a quick three step to get back to where he was standing. “I’m going to bed.”
Pippa, Tommy's mother, came over late. Her husband is oversea somewhere. She'd been home drinking wine on her own, her boys are out. Pippa and I have become good friends, since Tommy's unveiling as a shirt lifter. She said she was bored.
The doorbell rang late. There was Pippa, looking a little disheveled.
“Hi, hi,” Pippa slurred. “You up? Good.” She came through the front door leading with a bottle of champagne, without waiting for my answer.
“I guess I am.”
“You got two glasses for this.”
“I guess the answer would be yes, yet again.
“What have you been doing? Pippa asked. She had her drunk eyes on, you know, not quite focusing.
“Well I don’t have to ask you what you’ve been doing?”
“Oh Josh, I’m sorry. Is this too terrible?”
“Voila.” I produced two wine glasses.
Pippa clapped her hands together.
I filled one glass. “Too terrible? What are you talking about?”
“Coming over in the middle of the night, like a lush.”
I filled the second glass. “This is the original house of lush.” I laughed, thinking about our most recent performances.
“How do you do it Josh, just how do you do it?”
We held our glasses up. “Cheers,” we both said.
I wiped the excess wet liquid away from my mouth with the back of my hand. “Do what?” I asked.
She took a big swig. “Keep an equilibrium. Do what you do?”
“What do I do?”
“Keep everything sorted. Have such a strong belief in yourself. Always know where you are going?”
“What are you talking about?” Oh yes, the pot smoking, unemployed, hipster lawyer, with no prospect of a full time job any where in his foreseeable future.
“Jo’s away for four short weeks and already I have no idea what to do with myself.”
“He’ll be home soon.”
“The boys are always out, I never get to see them.”
“They are good boys.”
“And what am I Josh, what am I?”
“A proud mother of two strapping boys.”
“Is that it?”
“That’s great…”
“She produced. Is that what it is going to say on my tomb stone?”
“You’re a partner in a law firm.”
“Was. Was a partner. Pack of vulchers.”
“You’re amazing Pippa.”
“So why do I feel like this?”
“A bottle of champagne.” She chugged her glass. “Rapidly heading to two.”
“You don’t have this self doubt.”
“I don’t do anything, haven’t you noticed. So I have nothing to doubt. Besides, of course I do. Everybody does.”
“So what do you do when you feel this way?”
“I laughed. “What?”
“You’d go out and pick up some guy.”
“I am so pleased that you think so highly of me.”
“Cut the crap.”
“Yeah, sure. Maybe?” I laughed again.
“It’s very hard when your husband has been away for some time.”
“Pippa Papas!”
“Maybe, I just need some distraction,” she said. “Oh Josh, have you ever been monogamous?”
“Well, um…”
“I’ve been married for 25 years Josh. What’s it like on the other side?”
I was pretty stoned by that stage, getting sleep from the champagne. I could feel my eye lids heavy over my eyes. I had an urge to laugh out loud. In my state of stoned, I suspected somewhere off in my short-term memory I’d heard this scenario just recently somewhere. If only I could remember.
She was refilling our champagne glasses and I was feeling my two preferred poisons coming together inside me. A paradigm shit, I wouldn’t say that quite as much as I’d say that the original paradigm was starting to spin slowly like a top. I suddenly had the over whelming urge to hang on to something.
“ Daniel is in bed go and get him to sort you out.” The idea was brilliance. "Go on, he was just saying how he wanted it, not all that long ago." Even if, right at that moment, I couldn’t decided how long ago his tail of woe was.
"Oh Josh..." I could tell she was turned on by the idea.
"You are a beautiful woman and Daniel loves beautiful women."
She laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
"Go on, off you go, you are only making my ears bleed."
She was up on the edge of the couch like she wanted to. I knew she wanted to.
"I..." she moved her shoulders around and arched her back. "couldn't..." she splayed her fingers and pulled a grimace. "What would I say..."
"Don't say anything. Just get undressed and get into bed with him..."
She laughed.
"He's very accommodating..."
"He's very sexy, your Daniel..."
"Pippa! He'd love it. He loves beautiful older women..."
"He does?"
"He does."
I just smiled and raised my eye brows.
She opened her eyes wide and shook her head.
I don't know why, but I wanted her to be satisfied. And from all accounts Daniel is good at it. Girl's tell me. The drunk ones ask if I have the same sized cock as him.
Oh she is just going to sit there and procrastinate, she needed a facilitator. I got up, a bit unsteady to be sure and took her hand...
"What are you doing..."
"I'm helping." I pulled her up off the couch.
"Oh, no Josh, I can't... you can't really... oh..." She said she wouldn't, but she didn't resist me.
We were down the hallway. "no... Josh... no, i can't."
"Yes you can. I can see that you want to, and you are only going to talk about it incessantly if you don't." Open Daniel's door very quietly. I took her by the shoulder and guided her through the doorway.
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