Lift Games

I'd forgotten how much I like closing the lift doors on people, it gives me a thrill. Sad, I know. Well, really, having said that is it really sad? Or is fun. Laughing at the adversity of others? (When no one is actually hurt in the process) That’s not sad, that’s what makes the world spin, surely?

People are pathetic, they seem to have this inescapable need to run and catch the lift that's doors are closing, no matter how many other lifts that are available. In my building, if you miss a lift, you push the button and the doors open for the very next lift available. People don't get it. They don't seem to be able to resist. They don’t seem to care about whose lift they slow down, it is all about them.

So, I close the doors on them. Bwahahahahaha! It is kind of a game now. I love it when I see the other person's hand waving desperately into the crack between the lift doors only to pull away again at the last minute in fear.

You know when the lift doors get to that point of no return, and that desperate hand is whipped out from between them as a reflex action of fear. I love that.

“Hold the door! Hold the door!” they wail, as my finger is pressed firmly on the close door button. And clunk the doors shut, silence, it gives me such a thrill. A thrill because we have 3 sets of 6 lifts, in our foyer, that is 18 lifts going to the various 50 floors, that means there is only moments before the next left comes, so it is a fun game, where no one is hurt in the process, other than a dubious sense of pride, would you call it that? I guess it is the competitive spirit that made all these corporate types the monsters successes they are today.

Then of course, my all time favourite things is when the pack wanting a lift moves toward a lift that has just opened, and as they are filing in like lemmings, another lift opens and I just breeze into it and hit the close door button and I get a lift all to myself to start the day, leaving them all behind. That is pure joy.

The cherry on that lift cake, is when one of the lemmings has realised what I have done and they make a break for my solo lift only to have me close the doors on them. That strained dislocated jaw of a reaction to the lift door shutting in their goddam face is the purest joy of all. Silence. Bliss.

Oh well, you've got to be a bit silly to make the days special and the time pass, especially Monday morning. You’ve got to laugh. I’d respect someone who closed the lift doors on me. I would, it would amuse me greatly to know somebody else was playing stupid games too. 

Well played, sir, is all I would think.