Coda Josh Grant

It's cold. Bloody cold! Shit! Really fucking cold. Blow on your hands and rub your palms together cold. I felt the chill in my lungs as soon as I breathed in, like a chill on my inside. The air was grey, the sun hadn’t broken through yet. The stillness of the half-light was breath taking enough in itself.

I call this my 'blue' period. No shortage of offers from Mick to pose for me. I love everything about photos and images and how I can mess around with them.

I love being buttoned up in jackets in winter. I like that feeling of being snug, strapped in, protected against the cold, it's like mother's love. That's the one thing I like about the winter. Oh and the cold on my face in the mornings, it's bracing, it reminds me that I am alive.

Mick posing for me again. I call this yellow and Lime. Mick is such a poser, he'll pose for me any time. Big, tall, German and blonde. It's actually a struggle to get him to keep his pants on, if you know anything about Germans, you'll understand.

We all went away for the long weekend. Trent, Josh, me, Nick, Carl and Hattie, Evan, (friend) Bruno and Murray and Jamie. (A trupple) Bruno the dog. To the beach house. We smoked meth and stared out to sea as the sun set, we smoked weed and stared out to sea as the sun rose. Carl and Hat fucked very loudly in their bedroom. We all clapped when they came out for breakfast.  Carl's hot. I've always ached for him, quietly, all my days at uni. Only once did I make a move on him, when I was really drunk final year, and luckily for me he was too drunk to understand what I meant when I reached for his leg. There was no resistance. There was an awkward moment, where I just about touched him, a split second after, I realised he was just too drunk to know. He seemed kind of willing, but when somebody looks at you and they can't focus on you with either eye... it is time to accept defeat and quietly withdraw, hoping that way that your indiscretion will be passed off and not rememb...

Nigel says he wants ro be a photographic model. He certainly has the looks to do it, that's for sure.

Didn't it fucking rain over the weekend? Down it come down, or what? If Jesus had floated by nailed to a cross on the bow of the ark, I, well, me and all the Jesus Freaks, wouldn't have been surprised. (I may have been a little taken back, if the truth be known) Never be ashamed of telling people you are an atheist. As me old granny used to say, always live on the top of a hill. (That way you can watch you property prices increase as you become closer and closer to a sea view. Global warming has it’s advantages. Ha ha.) I told my young nephew that god's wife was taking a squat. “Mary! Is that Mary?” “Well, no, she was just a receptacle for god's spoof on earth,” I said. “She was never his wife.” “Whose god's wife then,” Matthew asked? It all seemed so ridiculous and all too hard by that stage, as his innocent eyes gazed up at me. Who indeed? “Don't fill his head full of that nonsense,” said Amanda, as she arranged tulips in the vase on the dinning room table. ...

Lachlan has a great body, he is in the gym every day. No wonder he gets lots of views online. Both boys and girls like him, which he likes just fine.

Amanda came over early. The roller door went up before I had wiped the sleep from my eyes and the nose of Amanda’s GTI appeared. She parks in Daniel's vacated car spot during the day and then she walks through the gardens into the city. Daniel even got her own remote control for her, so now she can just "pop in," as she'd say, at anytime. I'm sure Daniel got it for her just to piss me off. I seem to remember some rare fight that we'd had, I'd won, but the next thing Amanda has her own roller door remote. Who says queens are vicious, that was a low act... well played. If ever I am in the back yard when she arrives, she always toot, toot, toots, waving fingers at the steering wheel, big O mouth on her face. "Hello, darling." Of course, Amanda is all pomp and circumstance when she arrives any where, so whenever she is coming over I have usually had 4 phone calls building up to it. “Don’t forget Tuesday,” she’s always manage to get in in any previous...