Amanda Came Over Early
Amanda came over early. The roller door went up before I had wiped the sleep from my eyes and the nose of Amanda’s GTI appeared. She parks in Daniel's vacated car spot during the day and then she walks through the gardens into the city. Daniel even got her own remote control for her, so now she can just "pop in," as she'd say, at anytime. I'm sure Daniel got it for her just to piss me off. I seem to remember some rare fight that we'd had, I'd won, but the next thing Amanda has her own roller door remote. Who says queens are vicious, that was a low act... well played. If ever I am in the back yard when she arrives, she always toot, toot, toots, waving fingers at the steering wheel, big O mouth on her face.
"Hello, darling."
Of course, Amanda is all pomp and circumstance when she arrives any where, so whenever she is coming over I have usually had 4 phone calls building up to it. “Don’t forget Tuesday,” she’s always manage to get in in any previous phone call to her arrival.
"No shops are going to be open this time of morning?"
"No, but after breakfast they are." Amanda closed my open mouth, literally. "Roslyn and I are having a bite and then we're heading off to pick up a few small things.
"A few Small things, how can you be sure at 7am, standing here... now?"
Bruno groans at my feet. “And good morning to you,” Amanda squats and takes Bruno’s face in her hands. “Young Bruno.” She kisses his face. She stands back up and takes my gaze.
"We're going lingerie shopping, hun, the smaller the better." Then, I am sure, Amanda simulated a sex face.
"Oh! I've got to eat breakfast yet."
“Something red, zsa zsa zsa,” says Amanda.
“Amanda… really. You are not Patsy Stone.”
“Oh, I don’t know Eds. Stoli Bolli?” She does a perfect take off of Joanna Lumley. She thinks she is very clever.
Matthew staggers out in his little black shorts. "Hi Aunty Amanda, I thought I heard your voice."
Oh bliss, I thought. Now we are in for an Aunty reminisce .
Amanda squealed on queue. "Matthew!" This was the first time she'd seen him since his move to Melbourne. "Let me look... goodness me Matthew there is a lot of you." It is funny how middle aged women feel free to comment on young men’s physiques.
There was an abundance of Matthew.
"Goodness me, you have grown into a strapping man. Hasn’t Matthew grown into a strapping man, Josh."
"He has."
"Do you find it distraction,” Amanda said one part cheeky, one part girl friend, one part matriarch to her wayward son. Candy in the candy shop, she was right on to it. “Give me a hug, Matthew,” she said. He dwarfed Amanda in their embrace.
"No more 'Little Matthew'."
"Thanks Aunty A. Nice to see you."
"How are you? Are you settling in okay? Are you liking Melbourne? Are these 2 boys being good to you?"
"Yeah, good. Daniel and Josh have been great."
"Have you got a job?"
"Yes, yes, Manager, city hotel.”
“Good for you,” cheered Amanda. “Do you get a few free nights for your lady friends?”
Now it is funny, comments like that from Aunties can just slip by so easily so many times. Right off the back, like on a duck. “Ha ha, ha ha.” The conversation moves on. But, some how Amanda got confused and she stopped and she apologised.
Well, fell silent and I looked over at Matthew to see how he was handling it, he’s not completely out, after all. I should have made some joke, quick whit, but I stopped too.
Amanda looked at Mathew apologetically. I looked to see Matthew’s reaction. He was stuttering, poor boy.
And some how, the most prominent thing in the room was Matthew’s penis, looming large in those little black shorts. Amanda and I both seemed to be looking at it. I don’t think he had any jocks on.
And his beefy thighs.
Then Amanda lost her mind completely. “Still, I’m betting the boy’s are loving you. A strapping young man like you.”
Which part of, Don’t talk about Matt’s gayness, just yet, he isn’t ready, did she not grasp.
“Any boy friend’s yet, Matt?”
“No,” Matt mumbled.
“A nice looking boy like you,” said Amanda. “I’m sure you are not short of a man friend on a Saturday night.”
Jesus will she ever stop. I glanced over at Amanda, when she looked back I ran my hand across my neck.
She began to speak. “No Prince on a white hors…” She looked at my hand. She watched it cross my neck. “What?”
I gave her big eyes.
“Ah… hors… night… hours,” said Amanda. “How are you settling in, darling?” she reached out and took his hand.
“Yeah, good, Aunty A.” He danced around mum, his hand slipping out of hers.
“Ah, oo,” said Amanda as she nearly touch bare nephew skin. Amanda turn with him so they remained facing each other. I don’t think that is what Matthew had in mind. “So you have finished uni then, Matthew?”
“Yeah, all finished. It is behind me now.” Matthew grabbed some protein powder and some milk and a glass.
I watched the dance, I enjoyed watching big Matt squirm, especially as undressed as he was.
“So exciting time then,” said Amanda. “I think that was the best time of life, straight out of uni knowing you had something behind you.”
Mathew was arse first to the door. He had the milk and the protein powder over his lunch. “Excuse me,” he said. He disappeared into the next room.
“Well, I thought it was an exciting time,” said Amanda. “All those boyfriend’s I’ve had.”
“I thought you were a virgin when you married dad?”
“I was darling,” said Amanda. She had her bag, she started to walk towards the back door. “All boys should believe their mother’s were virgins when they got married. It is just good mothering darling.”
“What are you telling me?”
“Oh darling, you are 35 I don’t see any reason to keep up this ridiculous charade now.”
I think I screamed out loud.
She slid the sliding door open. “Yeah Babe, give me a couple of tokes and I was a real goer. It was the only reason I went to uni, for the cock.” Word perfect patsy Stone.
“Let a boy down gently.”
“All you can hear is the tinkling of shattering glass as your hopes and dreams crash to the floor.” She laughed. “Is that how it goes? Bye darling.” She raised an arm in the air as a departing gesture.
"Hello, darling."
Of course, Amanda is all pomp and circumstance when she arrives any where, so whenever she is coming over I have usually had 4 phone calls building up to it. “Don’t forget Tuesday,” she’s always manage to get in in any previous phone call to her arrival.
"No shops are going to be open this time of morning?"
"No, but after breakfast they are." Amanda closed my open mouth, literally. "Roslyn and I are having a bite and then we're heading off to pick up a few small things.
"A few Small things, how can you be sure at 7am, standing here... now?"
Bruno groans at my feet. “And good morning to you,” Amanda squats and takes Bruno’s face in her hands. “Young Bruno.” She kisses his face. She stands back up and takes my gaze.
"We're going lingerie shopping, hun, the smaller the better." Then, I am sure, Amanda simulated a sex face.
"Oh! I've got to eat breakfast yet."
“Something red, zsa zsa zsa,” says Amanda.
“Amanda… really. You are not Patsy Stone.”
“Oh, I don’t know Eds. Stoli Bolli?” She does a perfect take off of Joanna Lumley. She thinks she is very clever.
Matthew staggers out in his little black shorts. "Hi Aunty Amanda, I thought I heard your voice."
Oh bliss, I thought. Now we are in for an Aunty reminisce .
Amanda squealed on queue. "Matthew!" This was the first time she'd seen him since his move to Melbourne. "Let me look... goodness me Matthew there is a lot of you." It is funny how middle aged women feel free to comment on young men’s physiques.
There was an abundance of Matthew.
"Goodness me, you have grown into a strapping man. Hasn’t Matthew grown into a strapping man, Josh."
"He has."
"Do you find it distraction,” Amanda said one part cheeky, one part girl friend, one part matriarch to her wayward son. Candy in the candy shop, she was right on to it. “Give me a hug, Matthew,” she said. He dwarfed Amanda in their embrace.
"No more 'Little Matthew'."
"Thanks Aunty A. Nice to see you."
"How are you? Are you settling in okay? Are you liking Melbourne? Are these 2 boys being good to you?"
"Yeah, good. Daniel and Josh have been great."
"Have you got a job?"
"Yes, yes, Manager, city hotel.”
“Good for you,” cheered Amanda. “Do you get a few free nights for your lady friends?”
Now it is funny, comments like that from Aunties can just slip by so easily so many times. Right off the back, like on a duck. “Ha ha, ha ha.” The conversation moves on. But, some how Amanda got confused and she stopped and she apologised.
Well, fell silent and I looked over at Matthew to see how he was handling it, he’s not completely out, after all. I should have made some joke, quick whit, but I stopped too.
Amanda looked at Mathew apologetically. I looked to see Matthew’s reaction. He was stuttering, poor boy.
And some how, the most prominent thing in the room was Matthew’s penis, looming large in those little black shorts. Amanda and I both seemed to be looking at it. I don’t think he had any jocks on.
And his beefy thighs.
Then Amanda lost her mind completely. “Still, I’m betting the boy’s are loving you. A strapping young man like you.”
Which part of, Don’t talk about Matt’s gayness, just yet, he isn’t ready, did she not grasp.
“Any boy friend’s yet, Matt?”
“No,” Matt mumbled.
“A nice looking boy like you,” said Amanda. “I’m sure you are not short of a man friend on a Saturday night.”
Jesus will she ever stop. I glanced over at Amanda, when she looked back I ran my hand across my neck.
She began to speak. “No Prince on a white hors…” She looked at my hand. She watched it cross my neck. “What?”
I gave her big eyes.
“Ah… hors… night… hours,” said Amanda. “How are you settling in, darling?” she reached out and took his hand.
“Yeah, good, Aunty A.” He danced around mum, his hand slipping out of hers.
“Ah, oo,” said Amanda as she nearly touch bare nephew skin. Amanda turn with him so they remained facing each other. I don’t think that is what Matthew had in mind. “So you have finished uni then, Matthew?”
“Yeah, all finished. It is behind me now.” Matthew grabbed some protein powder and some milk and a glass.
I watched the dance, I enjoyed watching big Matt squirm, especially as undressed as he was.
“So exciting time then,” said Amanda. “I think that was the best time of life, straight out of uni knowing you had something behind you.”
Mathew was arse first to the door. He had the milk and the protein powder over his lunch. “Excuse me,” he said. He disappeared into the next room.
“Well, I thought it was an exciting time,” said Amanda. “All those boyfriend’s I’ve had.”
“I thought you were a virgin when you married dad?”
“I was darling,” said Amanda. She had her bag, she started to walk towards the back door. “All boys should believe their mother’s were virgins when they got married. It is just good mothering darling.”
“What are you telling me?”
“Oh darling, you are 35 I don’t see any reason to keep up this ridiculous charade now.”
I think I screamed out loud.
She slid the sliding door open. “Yeah Babe, give me a couple of tokes and I was a real goer. It was the only reason I went to uni, for the cock.” Word perfect patsy Stone.
“Let a boy down gently.”
“All you can hear is the tinkling of shattering glass as your hopes and dreams crash to the floor.” She laughed. “Is that how it goes? Bye darling.” She raised an arm in the air as a departing gesture.
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