Coda Josh Grant

Do you ever think it is weird, there we all are in our own tribes speaking in our own, peculiar dialect of language? All of those sounds meaning different things. All of those languages and we still can't communicate peacefully. All of those words and we still have difficulty living together on this planet. All those words and on any given day half the population hates the other half. Don’t you think it’s weird? People are weird. But then, life is weird. People who don’t think equality should apply to everyone? How does the sperm make the egg grow into me and you? How does a 300 ton metal cylinder hurtle down a runway and then lift off the ground? How did someone first discover that if you separate the white of an egg from the yolk of an egg and then you whip the white madly, and then heat it, it turns into hard candy? How did everything come from nothing? Why don’t enough people worry about us immanently returning to nothing? How did someone invent gnocchi? Who decided the colour ...

Red wine stains your teeth when you over indulge. Late in the dinner party night, the punters can look possessed by the devil when their mouths turn black. Too pissed and your eyes turn black too. But that is not all… Red wine pooh, it makes the toilet paper look like gravely liquorice smeared across it. Who looks? I know I always do. Nick says it's disgusting. My mother always told me to look for health reasons. Floaters are good. “Toothpaste consistency is what you want,” Amanda always spruiked, from when Daniel and I were little boys. But, the red wine pooh can be quite a shock, when you have a quick glance, black on the toilet tissue. Because, black always means blood, and bleeding from the inside is never good. I will never drink red wine again, I call out to the deity of pooh, when I have such proof of my mortality in my hand. I AM SHITTING DEATH!, one might call out on a particularly bad day after.

I love that Melbourne is multicultural, but then, aren't all cities now a days? What is with the immigration question and all? We are way passed that issue as we have people from every country of the world living in our big beautiful city I love it being a tram city, ding, ding, all aboard! It has always been a tram city, it is not just putting the trams back now like so many cities. Melbourne has something like the biggest tram network of any city in the world. I love its eclectic laneways, their avantgarde appearance, their inherent coolness. The lane ways create a maze-like web across the heart of the CBD. You can travel across the city from one side to the other exclusively by laneway. They are friendly, they are full of art and cafes. I love that the people unabashedly wear black to make it a very black city. Black is style, black is culture, black is assurance in our own being. Black is Melbourne.

I hate the term "junk." Where did that come from? Our uptight, prudish, conservative middle class values, I guess. “Oo, noy, don’t talk arbout thart, or thart, [big eyes of horror] and definitely nort thart. Euw, noy, don’t talk arbout anything weet, or sexsee, noy.” We will non-offensive our way into oblivion, at this rate. Steve hasn't got "junk" when I slide my hand down his pants, not at all. It's far from it. It is this lovely, solid, hot, sweaty, thick, solid thing that fills my palm with amazing feelings. I love the effect I have on it. Tommy hasn't got "junk" he has something that is magnificent, that should have monuments built to it. It's not junk, it is the essence of life. It is because some uptight, cat’s bum bitch (I use the term bitch in a unisex way, non discriminatory sense) couldn’t say penis, is it?

I have a fat friend, Daisy, who Mike used to screw when he was horny and didn't have a girl, back before. "Every together guy should have a charity fuck." Mike said it with straight sincerity. "Your expectations are low, so it usually turns out hot." It was his secret. He didn't tell his straight mates that he fucked the fat chick when hard up. "She doesn't get much and she's always keen." He smiled his handsome smile. "Even at dusk, some Sundays. It's McDonald's. Go home and sleep." They found themselves at the same party recently. They haven't seen each other since Mike had been away. "I was plastered and truthfully I need help to get home." Daisy grinned. "I just didn't realise I was going to get that much help." "She was so fucking grateful," said Mike. "She went off like a rocket." "That Mike, still a buff boy." Daisy smiled wistfully. "I ...

What people do in private isn't, necessarily, what they project in public. You know, like all those straight boys who head to the gay bars when their girlfriends won't put out.  The catholic man who is having an affair on the side.  The nice shop assistant who dresses up in dominatrix gear and whips her suitors.  The accountant who dresses up as a school boy.  The politician who likes them young.  The school principal who can only do it in rubber.  The truck driver who likes to dress up in woman's clothing. That’s the reason, I found out just lately, why Nick dumped his married man truck driving Kevin.  "To fucking weird for me, mate," said Nick. “But, he doesn’t do it with you?” “Fuck no,” said Nick. “But it is just the thought. I can’t look at him the same. I had to finish it.” If we were all honest and admitted to our sexual proclivities, the world would be a less uptight place to live. If we were all just honest, the world ...

There Tommy was, standing there with his jeans around his calves and his jocks around his thighs. His face was pointing to the ground, but he was looking up at me. He had a funny expression on his face, a come hither, cheeky half smile? No, it was something else. He held his dick in his hands, like it was something precious. I think he could club a small animal to death with it, if he wanted to, that's how "precious" it is. That's what I woke up to this morning. “Tommy?” I croaked. “What’s up?” “It’s my dick, can you look at it?” “Um… er?” “I was wanking and the lube dried up, but I was really close and I just kept going because I was going to cum, and now it hurts. Do you think I have damaged it?” “Ah.” I pulled myself up in the bed. Tommy flopped his cock down on my bed sheet, it made an audible thud. “How did you get in?” “Daniel let me in. Why? Is it a prob…” “No. It’s always nice to…” I looked down at Tommy’s cock lying on my bedsheet. “See you.” I chuckled to my...

So, now I am doing sex quizzes on the back veranda in the mornings when I am drinking my coffee and smoking a splif. Do you reckon this is a good use of my time? Chubby looks up at me, just moving his eyes. Whatever, here we go? Apparently, 70% of men are disappointed by the size of their lover's Penis. The other 30% are being nice... Did you know that? Do you suffer from any of the following? Small and inadequate Penis size – Do you feel like you have a small Penis? Actually, no. I've never felt that. All of my lovers have, actually, said the opposite. My ex-girlfriend, (from when I was a teenager and trying for a minute to be straight) said to me recently that I've got the biggest penis of all of her lovers. Poor performance during Sex – Does the anxiety before Sex cripple your ability to perform? No. All of my lovers have said how good I am and how good it feels. Decreased self confidence – Have the years of ridicule taken their toll on your ego? No ...

We were in the lounge room, we’d given up on TV, you know, it is crap on Saturday night. We’d been smoking a steady stream of joints all night, we were pretty shitfaced. "We should go on cam together," said Daniel. He looked over at me with bloodshot eyes. "On cam?" I was surprised with the suggestion. Daniel was nodding in the affirmative, he seemed pretty keen. "Yeah. Internet. I do it all the time. I think it's hot." "What would we do?" Daniel made wanking hand movements. "What?" "Brother's do it all the time, the punters love it. Gets a big following. Puts you at number 1." “Number 1.” “I’ll show you.” Daniel had the laptop set up in no time. We called ourselves Brother’s Love. “Here.” He patted the couch next to him. “Sit next to me.” It was surreal, both our inhibitions were down. Daniel was keen to go. He said that the thought of people watching him always turned him on. Then he said the light was on, which mean...

This is what Tommy looks like when he strips down to his undies. I pulled his track pants and his t-shirt off him for this shot. I had to wait for him to stop laughing before I could take it.