Coda Josh Grant

I'm pinching Daniel's pot again. All week, I hang my head. I ran out last Friday. I'm constantly amazed with myself that I can put things back exactly as I find them. Well, I know when I am being devious and underhand and my mind switches to, for want of a better expression, criminal mode, so I naturally observe things as soon as I start to act. It's easy, you only have to be observant. Everything back exactly as it was. I was straight into it from the moment I got up. I stood at the kitchen bench and gazed out into the garden as the coffee brewed and thought about it as soon as I and the day were getting acquainted. I had no sooner puffed the last of it, whilst sipping on my coffee when the doorbell rang. I glanced over at the clock and it was 9.05. "Oh, really." I peeked through the eye-hole in the front door, to see Amanda standing there. Why was she here so early? It was unlike her to arrive unannounced. Had she made a date with me and I'd forgotten? I...

You know when someone says, “Except that would be embracing the gay lifestyle,” and everybody shakes their heads, muttering, “Oh no, we can’t have that.” One of Amanda’s friends made a comment very similar, like non-compliance was the default position. “I embrace the gay lifestyle,” I said. She screwed up her face as though she had tasted bitter melon for the first time. “And how is that working out for you with all this AIDS business?” “Peachy,” I said. I wasn’t taking this from her for a minute. “A bit like my boyfriend’s arse.” Well, with the clutching of pearls which ensued, I thought I was at a gay bar.” Of course, Amanda had something to say about it later. “What are you like, Josh?” “You told me to tell the truth, when I was a kid.” “You are impossible.”

“These young guys who think that PrEP gives them license to dispense with condoms altogether,” said Nick. “I don’t know…” “Well, there is no prude like an old whore.” “I don’t get it?” “You know, those people who put others down to cover up their own, um, for want of a better expression, sins.” “What?” “You know, like closeted gay men who rail against gay men.” “When does that happen?” “Oh, only through the entire history of gay men.” “I’ve never come across it myself.” “Seriously Nick, you are not exactly…” “Exactly what?” “You wouldn’t be mistaken for a footballer any time soon.” “Well, thank you very much,” said Nick. “Homophobic, much?” “All I am saying, is that being who you are…” “Queer?” “Camp…” “How very dare you…” “You must have come across certain homophobia from closeted types?” “Dohl, any closeted type I come across, will soon be coming across me.” “Oh yeah, I forget, I am playing right into your wheelhouse.” “My what?” “The niche you frequent.” “Dohl…” “Or, maybe some gay ...

Candy came into my room sometime after midnight. I had been lying in bed with my lap-top listening to her get screwed by Daniel. I'd rolled a joint and was smoking it. There has always been an instant camaraderie between Candi and I, ever since the first day we met. I'm not sure why. She thinks I'm cute, and I think she is too. We both have a common enemy... well, in this case hero... in Daniel. The two of us just connected from the very beginning. She tells me I'm like the brother she never had. And in a drunk moment, she told me that Daniel was like her sexy dad... I'm not sure what that meant. Knock, knock. "Hi, Josh. Can I come in and join you?" The door opened a crack and her face appeared tentatively around the edge. "I smelled the joint." "Sure, come in. Here." I patted the bed. I was lying in bed in just my jocks, with the doona pulled up to my chest. "Yum," said Candy. I'm assuming she was talking about the joint,...

Marcus has a great chest, he has big hands, and he has gorgeous skin, he's really put together well. The camera loves him.

Matthew is not shy, I like that in a guy. Of course, Matthew has nothing to be shy about. He was put together well when he was put together. Of course, all those hours in the gym count for something too.

Sexy Marcus, what a guy. And he's a lovely guy too. He is lovely inside and outside. Just adorable

Two pairs of dirty jocks lie in the corner of my study, a good sign of masturbating into the middle of the night, with pot. Of course. Slide my jocks off from under my track pants. Get a great big gob of cream and whack off right there at my P.C. I couldn't wait for Daniel to go to bed last night. He made tea, he drank wine, he got up to go to bed and he emptied the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. Ah! Will you go to bed! A lost weekend. I've got a sore penis. I drank two large coffees, ate my muesli and went to the gym. 6am. It was raining. My suit feels tight against my crotch.

I've stopped smoking cigarettes altogether, the problem being that I have replaced every one of those cigarettes with joints. Oops. I got really smashed, and spent the day in bed with porn. I was really giddy by the end of it. No cigarettes, though. Daniel said it smelled like a Bedouin whore house. I questioned him to how many Bedouin Whore House had he been in to? “Oh, you know what I mean.” “I am sure I don’t.” I had broken the no smoking in the house rule, by smoking pot in my room, it was the first fresh air for 10 hours, the atmosphere was rushing with opposing forces, even I could see that. “What have you been doing in here, mate?” “Well, there was some of this…” “Okay, okay…” “You did ask.” “Sweat and desperation, it has a bitter hue.” “Get fucked.” “I cooked food, roast everything, I have left it for you in the kitchen.” “And they said you were the one who would come to no good.” “Who said I’d come to no good?” I laughed. “It’s an expression.”...

I spent the day stoned off my brain watching porn. Ah, a university education... where do you think I learned to get stoned off my tree? And access good porn. The kind of porn you always want to ask for, but you are frightened they will search your browser history and find it. Homophobic frat boy, gets school by three mean gay boys down the back paddock on the way home from drinks one night. And you know, realism is best. They were the days. Get really out of it in the cafe, fuck a boy in the quad late, no condom just spit and still be young enough to continue believing you are going to live forever. What happened to that carefree life? What was his name, Bradley. Blond-haired, 18 year old first year twink, when I was in third year. He was fun, we met up on several occasions. There was that lunch time drive home to my house, he was hot for it that day. He had a girlfriend, he eventually went back to her full time. Got married. Had children. I kept up with him on Facebook, one of my man...

I have to use filters and not roaches in my joints now, otherwise I cough like a bitch. Once you hit 30, hey... But then they don’t really do what they are supposed to do, the weed, so I go back to roaches.

Beth was at my door, rubbing one fist into the palm of her other hand “Josh,” Beth blurted out before I even had the door open. “Beth.” “You found a job yet, or you still enjoying a life of leisure?” “Neither.” I felt like I was doing neither. Just hanging around, pissing my time away. Wasting my life. Hoping against all odds that I don’t ever have to work again.  “What are you doing then?” “Praying to the great TattsLotto gods to make my dreams a reality.” “But that’s just wasting money and time, Josh.” I didn’t feel like answering. “I’ve smoked pot all day.” “Oh Josh.” “The day has vanished.” “Oh Josh.” “I’ve had a fire going in the lounge room all day.” “No, no, no, Josh.” Beth put her hands over her ears. “It’s lovely to be at the beginning of a recent ton delivery, I can burn the world’s resources with impunity.” “Oh Josh, the planet Josh.” Sorry crazy lady who lives next door. “And you can bet I am thinking of that as I go out to get the next piece of wood to burn.” “I’ll pra...

I'm sick of these little friends deals, kind as it is of all of them, it's just not a reliable source. Some days I'm hanging out. Hang my head in shame at the admission. I didn't want to be one of those guys who comes home from work and all he does his get off his chops, until he is blear-eyed and uninteligable, as tempting as the thought is, but I turned into him none the less. I went over to Jumbo's place. I wanted to catch up to get something, you know... He messaged me as I was on my way to his place and gave me another address to go to. He told me to call three times and hang up, three times, when I got there. So, I turned up at a 1970's non-descript brown brick warehouse in Collingwood. There were two car spaces at the front, both were vacant, Jumbo said not to park there. I made the call. Silence. Then a rattle at the roller door and the small single man door opened up, Jumbo's face appearing from the other side. "Come in." It was his cousin...

That's Robbo. He's a footy mate. He's not shy. In fact, he responds to anyone who looks at him. He doesn't really care where the attention comes from, as long as it does.

Daniel was in the kitchen when I staggered in, bleary-eyed. Daniel was all Mr Efficiency, crisp ironed shirt, white jocks, socks. He always says he spills things on his pants when he is eating, so he often takes them off, it is his thing. My brother has a big cock, I can see it hanging there behind what is only thin cotton after all. All stations were go, coffee, toast, cereal, orange juice, some stewed apple, laid across his muesli like it was something out of a Donna Hay book. "You been seeing much of Mike?" "No, no not really." "Any reason for that?" Wow, that even sounded a bit too direct from where I was hearing it. Don't hold back Josh, no don't hold anything back. "No, should there?" He stopped momentarily. "You tell me?" That was supposed to be smooth and casual, but it came out as a demand. Daniel stopped and turned and gave me his full attention. "If you have something to ask me Josh, just come out with it." ...

I couldn't help myself, last night. I had a business thing with Evan. It was a dinner, it seemed that he has to schedule every meeting he has as a business dinner, nothing else we suffice. So, we met at Generic Cafe, he was late, which is something when you are up against me. Ha, ha, people tell me I'm late to everything. It got me thinking and I worked out that Josh time runs on the stated arrival time becomes Josh's time to be leaving the house, because I always live close to everything. If dinner is at 7pm, I leave home at 7pm. It was papers to sign and a run through the strategy for the next twelve months. This and that and what have you, projected this, forecast that. I’ll be on time, don’t you worry about that baby. "I reckon we should buy up BHP and Rio Tinto, with the current stock market dip." "Sure, sure, whatever, where do I sign?" I’m no more skilled than that. People ask me what my secret is? I have good people. He was telling me how horny h...

Rich is as nice as he is hot. Such a sweet guy, such a good look. He is your boy next door type, always up

Late, when I was falling asleep, in front of the fire in Carlton, I heard the front gate, and then a knock at the door. "Hi, just thought I'd come over and see what you are doing?" We smoked pot and I took Chad to bed. I fucked him on his knees, sliding my big cock inside him, easily. He just took it, not cries of pain, or pleading to stop, straight up on the mount. He took it like a man, just straight into him, he was really open and ready for it. It is just so different, when you have a big, strong boy's arse to fuck. He took it hard, only with moans of delight. And he's got a big hard cock on him, it's always hard, rock hard. We showered afterwards. He is really nice, straightforward, not shy. I played with him in the shower. He smiled and said he liked it. Big. Solid. Muscly arms from farm work. A hardon that wouldn't go down. Playfully, nice arse, didn't mind it being played with. "I like boys, I guess that pretty much proves it,...

Last night. I drove up the shack on a mission. It was nice to have a purpose, you don't know you are going to miss whatever that purpose is, until you have to do without it. I’m sure that is one of my grandma’s sayings, the one who drank a bottle of brandy a day, and smoked Kool cigarettes. I took pot, of course, god’s herb, lit the fire. I watched the flames and waited and hoped, and hoped and waited. If I was truthful, and I know this sounds pathetic, Chad would come over. So, I packed up the car and drove back to Melbourne.

Daniel came waltzing down the hallway this morning in his jocks, just as I cracked the coffin open and stepped out in the day light. Not day light. 5am. Like he doesn’t have Mrs Smith’s hernia at 7am. "Good morning," said Daniel, all chippy and bright the way he always does. He has a cast iron constitution that boy, he's always fine in the mornings. "This wake you up?" He pulled the front of his jocks out, to show his fat cock lying sideways in his pubes. I grabbed at the elastic, kind of wanly, but my fingers caught and for the moment that I held his jocks out exposing him. Not quite the way I was expecting the morning to go. He pulled himself away. "You gotta get more sleep, brother of mine." He smiled and tousled my hair. "Gotta be quicker than that." I'm sure my face moved somehow, but I still have no idea how to react to that. I had no understanding of what just happened. Daniel disappeared back up the hallway.

Ben and Amy, Nick and his sister Ange, Mike, Murray and Bruno, Gordon and Owen, me and Daniel, the gang, all of them, were together for dinner last night. Daniel, rather trashily arrive with Mike dressed in the same clothes he went out in on Friday night. He was unshaven, but showered and clearly feeling no pain. Mike looked like Mike, if a little flushed. He always has that strong silent he-man thing going on. Oh, you know, everybody falls for the Mike charm I asked Mike out in the kitchen, later. He laughed and said, "You've got to be kidding me, Josh." That was definitely, you've got to be kidding if you think I am going to tell you, as opposed to, you've got to be kidding that anything happened between he and Daniel. "What?" "I'm telling you nothing." "Hey bro," I said to Daniel as I sat next to him. It's true we have got into the habit of calling each other bro, don't know how that happened. "Hey." "How...